For the past month I was working on a paper and final revisions of my thesis, and my yoga studio membership had expired, so I hadn't been going to yoga classes much at all. Even after I completed everything and felt a huge mental and physiological relieve that I was done school, for the past couple days, I hadn't slept well or felt well within the body. My ashtangi friends invited me to their house for mysore practice on Christmas day, which was lovely, since I haven't done the primary series for ages (lacking discipline to practice it on my own). It was also wonderful to be able to spend time discussing yoga with them and enjoy delicious food prepared by my friends (I am so spoiled). The next day I felt sore everywhere and my hamstrings felt overstretched, and I still had trouble sleeping at night.
It worked out that the studio was selling some relatively cheap single class passes for December so I purchased some and started going back to the studio again. I ended up taking a pilates class, a hot yoga class, and a vinyasa flow class. Last evening I noticed the therapeutic magic of continuous practice of yoga. The past couple of weeks I had been experiencing uneasiness within. The inner body was unhappy and anxious for no reason. The night before, I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I attempted a short CD guided sitting meditation. The center of the chest under the rib cage felt like it was going numb and about to die off. I was so anxious I wanted to stand up and run away, but the CD said to sit and feel the body, observe any thoughts and sensations that happen, so I had to force myself to sit for 30 minutes while different parts of the body went numb and then turned into pins and needle sensations. It was miserable. But after last night's practice, even though certain muscles are very sore, I felt like the crazy energy and sensations inside the body were gone. So many people think of yoga as a work out or stretching, but I really think it has a huge soothing effect on the subtle body.
I did another practice hot yoga practice today because it was taught by a teacher who always make me smile from the bottom of my heart whenever I see him. It was another great practice (sometimes I don't know if it's the yoga teacher or the yoga; it's probably an additive effect). I thought the calm and pleasant feeling would last me through the night, until I called my mom to say happy new year, and the conversation ended badly, even though neither of us wanted this to happen. I think I'm beginning to understand why some regions of the world (Africa and Middle East come to mind) are permanently in conflict, even though everybody involved really wants peace.
Anyways, after I hung up the phone, a whole bunch of negative memories, associations, stories came up and fueled my anger + discontentment. Then that washed over and went away. I checked in to the inner body: it's still maintaining that post-yoga calm. This in turn prevents me from hanging on to the drama and going to bed angry. I think some of the indescribable discomforts in the body are associated with certain emotions or memories. Feeling that discomfort triggers negative emotions, and anxiety ensues when the discomfort refuses to go away. When the nadis are clear, good and bad feelings come and go freely, without the body holding onto the bad emotions.
Lesson learned: a regular practice of yoga works for the subtle body like fiber does for the bowels - it keeps the channels clear and so I don't become a chronic emotional mess. Temporary emotional episodes are probably unavoidable in life and as long as they pass through, I am okay dealing with them.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
2011 Reflections
In 2011 I:
- Finally got myself out of graduate school after a long long time. Woot!
- Made use of 911 service for the first time in my life, and subsequently had to use it 2 more times later in the year - all necessary emergencies for friends and family (good things and bad things like to come in threes!). Won't go into details, but suffice to say this was indeed an eventful year. I got an opportunity to deal with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, rode in an ambulance for the first time, and I got to interact with a total of 10 firefighters (was never in any situations involving fire, but I learned that firefighters are first responders so they'll usually arrive first if the dispatcher cannot get an ambulance or cop cars to the scene right away.
- Went to a Kino workshop (sorry I didn't blog about it; was trying to stay anonymous but fellow Ashtangis found out about this blog anyways). Kino helped me with my first ever drop back.
- Went to Thailand for the first time ever, and loved it! Hoping to go back again next year.
- Vipassana retreat is not going to happen in January. It's okay.. I will definitely go on one in the future.
I hope 2012 will be a great year. I am in dire need of chakra balancing, meridian cleansing, nervous system restoration, and all that stuff. Seriously. Doing a PhD causes serious brain damage. I hope it's a non-permanent one that can be reversed somewhat.
I have made zero plans for job hunting, but I do have several travel plans. I may or may not blog about them. We'll see how it goes. Will let you know if I get a job by the second half of the year or if I will remain as a bum for the rest of my life.
- Finally got myself out of graduate school after a long long time. Woot!
- Made use of 911 service for the first time in my life, and subsequently had to use it 2 more times later in the year - all necessary emergencies for friends and family (good things and bad things like to come in threes!). Won't go into details, but suffice to say this was indeed an eventful year. I got an opportunity to deal with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, rode in an ambulance for the first time, and I got to interact with a total of 10 firefighters (was never in any situations involving fire, but I learned that firefighters are first responders so they'll usually arrive first if the dispatcher cannot get an ambulance or cop cars to the scene right away.
- Went to a Kino workshop (sorry I didn't blog about it; was trying to stay anonymous but fellow Ashtangis found out about this blog anyways). Kino helped me with my first ever drop back.
- Went to Thailand for the first time ever, and loved it! Hoping to go back again next year.
- Vipassana retreat is not going to happen in January. It's okay.. I will definitely go on one in the future.
I hope 2012 will be a great year. I am in dire need of chakra balancing, meridian cleansing, nervous system restoration, and all that stuff. Seriously. Doing a PhD causes serious brain damage. I hope it's a non-permanent one that can be reversed somewhat.
I have made zero plans for job hunting, but I do have several travel plans. I may or may not blog about them. We'll see how it goes. Will let you know if I get a job by the second half of the year or if I will remain as a bum for the rest of my life.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Things to think through over the holidays
So I successfully defended my thesis, finished the revisions, submitted the final draft to the libraries. Yay me! People are totally curious (or sympathetic, because I don't have a job lined up): what are you going to do now?
Um.. learn some life skills that are actually practical to life(!), try to undo some brain damage caused by fitting my square brain into the spiral-shaped academia manhole, as well as hoping to heal the neural pathway stresses from constantly shoving massive amounts of useless information (the info are only useful if I keep working/studying in the same narrow field, which I'm not exactly sure if I'm going to do) into my brain. All these years of education have killed so much creativity, caused so much mental trauma, and took out my capacity to socialize like "normal" people, pay attention to every day life details (my home looks like it got burglarized multiple times, because I just haven't had time or calmness to reorganize everything). Practically every other thing that comes out of my mouth is either related to yoga or my area of research, because my brain does not have space to process stuff that normal people care about, like jokes, small talk, culture, movies, books, arts, technology gadgets, fashion, sports, entertainment, relationships, etc etc).
So, the plan is to watch a lot of cool movies, read a lot of books, learn about a bunch of topics that I have not had time to learn about but I think are of huge importance to know a little about them, and of course, do a lot of yoga. Oh yah, and go on a Vipassana retreat if I get the chance - clear the brain, hope some of the neural pathways will heal or at least take a break from being over-stressed. Below are a list of topics I am suddenly interested in blogging about, but then realized I know next to nothing about the issues:
- War against "evil": what the heck is evil? How can people be so sure that they themselves are the "good guys" while the others are the "bad guys"? Why do I feel like whoever tries to launch a war against evil are the most evil people themselves. Perhaps my definition of evil (hurting and killing innocent people) is off with other people's definition of evil (Those who try to hurt me or my kind of people are considered as evil; their life circumstances and childhood/cultural history does not matter at all, at least not to me).
- Religion: I'm not talking about those who were raised to follow a certain religion. I am talking about adults who voluntarily choose to follow or study a religion. What kind of people are drawn to Christianity? What kind of people are drawn to Buddhism? When I try to read the Bible, I don't know if it's the way it's written or what, the ideas are just words; they don't really speak to me. When I read Buddhism ideas, specifically Buddhism explained by some westerners (and not the Chinese version of the same material, strange eh?), the teachings seem to verbalize ideas I already strongly believe in. My cousin is the opposite. A girl I know was introduced to Christianity in her 30s, the teachings totally spoke to her. She now reads a passage of the Bible every night before bed and always find it insightful, comforting, inspirational, and/or educational. This came up while chatting with a friend. A preliminary response is that this girl is the type of person who feels unloved, who suddenly felt a need to know the purpose of life, who thinks it's important to obey authority, and to please other people. So believing in an all-loving God who has a set of rules for her to follow for the rest of her life which will lead her to heaven fits her personality/original set of personal beliefs. For me, I used to obey parents, teachers, and adults/authorities until their logic didn't make sense, until I realized nobody knows exactly what they are doing and the ones who know the least love to give strong orders/suggestions the most. I have also suppressed intuitions and tried so hard to be analytical all my life, thinking that I can reason my way through everything. That has worked up to a point and then failed for a significant aspect of my life. I am very attracted by the Buddhist idea that looking within will help me find the answers I am looking for (I guess authority figures have lost my respect and trust). These ideas are specific to me and this girl though. A broader understanding is needed.
- Economics: our economy is very broken obviously, and politicians keep applying patches + quick fixes that work for a short period of time and then fail again. Gone are the days when you can hold 1 job from school graduation until retirement at 65 years old and then live comfortably on a pension until death. I've had the fortune of hearing honest talks by a good number of medical and (bio)chemical Nobel Laureates, successful professors as well as industry scientists who work in giant pharmaceutical companies. So, supposedly my training would lead me directly to one of these 2 paths - academia or industry. Their presentations as well as my past years of experience in grad school make me not want to jump at the first job opening available anywhere. If you talk to scientists who do research on drugs and vaccines, their intention is to come up with a new drug that will cure or alleviate suffering from diseases (this was my intention too when I decided to study biology as a major). When I talk to the average people or read the media, the public seems to think that the purpose of developing drugs is to make big money (evil big pharma). Some even go as far to say that pharmaceutical companies can actually cure diseases, but they purposely only sell drugs that temporarily suppress symptoms but keep you sick for a long time. I think this misunderstanding exists because people vastly underestimate the complexity of biology and over-estimate the abilities of scientists (these drugs are less than ideal because they are already the best effort that teams of brilliant researchers can come up with, not simply a money-making gimmick). Anyways, I need to teach myself a bit about economy and try to think things through.
- Dualism: again I know very little about this topic, but it's central to yoga I believe, and possibly the source of so many problems in the world.
As you can see, I've got a lot of reading to do. I feel like a bit of self-education will help me navigate through life better, rather than just conforming to current moulds of society: find a husband; have 2.3 kids; take up any job that's stable and pays the bills, who cares if you like the job or not; raise kids to 18 and your responsibility is done when kids make it to college; constantly compare yourself with your peers regarding your salary amount, the size of your house, the niceness of your car, the maintenance level of your external beauty, the achievements of your kids, etc. Make sure your kids do what you want them to do, or else argue with them until they run away from home. Constantly worry about money. If you have extra cash, spend it on luxury items like yachts and jewellery, and then complain you don't have enough money. Make sure to find issues to worry about if finance isn't your biggest worry.
I don't think I can change the world, but I'd like to gain insight and perhaps modify a few biased beliefs that I was brought up with. I'd like to figure out some stuff that are society norms but are not necessarily the right way to do things. I'd also like to get an idea of how to navigate myself through this imperfect world and not turn into a permanently bitter person.
Um.. learn some life skills that are actually practical to life(!), try to undo some brain damage caused by fitting my square brain into the spiral-shaped academia manhole, as well as hoping to heal the neural pathway stresses from constantly shoving massive amounts of useless information (the info are only useful if I keep working/studying in the same narrow field, which I'm not exactly sure if I'm going to do) into my brain. All these years of education have killed so much creativity, caused so much mental trauma, and took out my capacity to socialize like "normal" people, pay attention to every day life details (my home looks like it got burglarized multiple times, because I just haven't had time or calmness to reorganize everything). Practically every other thing that comes out of my mouth is either related to yoga or my area of research, because my brain does not have space to process stuff that normal people care about, like jokes, small talk, culture, movies, books, arts, technology gadgets, fashion, sports, entertainment, relationships, etc etc).
So, the plan is to watch a lot of cool movies, read a lot of books, learn about a bunch of topics that I have not had time to learn about but I think are of huge importance to know a little about them, and of course, do a lot of yoga. Oh yah, and go on a Vipassana retreat if I get the chance - clear the brain, hope some of the neural pathways will heal or at least take a break from being over-stressed. Below are a list of topics I am suddenly interested in blogging about, but then realized I know next to nothing about the issues:
- War against "evil": what the heck is evil? How can people be so sure that they themselves are the "good guys" while the others are the "bad guys"? Why do I feel like whoever tries to launch a war against evil are the most evil people themselves. Perhaps my definition of evil (hurting and killing innocent people) is off with other people's definition of evil (Those who try to hurt me or my kind of people are considered as evil; their life circumstances and childhood/cultural history does not matter at all, at least not to me).
- Religion: I'm not talking about those who were raised to follow a certain religion. I am talking about adults who voluntarily choose to follow or study a religion. What kind of people are drawn to Christianity? What kind of people are drawn to Buddhism? When I try to read the Bible, I don't know if it's the way it's written or what, the ideas are just words; they don't really speak to me. When I read Buddhism ideas, specifically Buddhism explained by some westerners (and not the Chinese version of the same material, strange eh?), the teachings seem to verbalize ideas I already strongly believe in. My cousin is the opposite. A girl I know was introduced to Christianity in her 30s, the teachings totally spoke to her. She now reads a passage of the Bible every night before bed and always find it insightful, comforting, inspirational, and/or educational. This came up while chatting with a friend. A preliminary response is that this girl is the type of person who feels unloved, who suddenly felt a need to know the purpose of life, who thinks it's important to obey authority, and to please other people. So believing in an all-loving God who has a set of rules for her to follow for the rest of her life which will lead her to heaven fits her personality/original set of personal beliefs. For me, I used to obey parents, teachers, and adults/authorities until their logic didn't make sense, until I realized nobody knows exactly what they are doing and the ones who know the least love to give strong orders/suggestions the most. I have also suppressed intuitions and tried so hard to be analytical all my life, thinking that I can reason my way through everything. That has worked up to a point and then failed for a significant aspect of my life. I am very attracted by the Buddhist idea that looking within will help me find the answers I am looking for (I guess authority figures have lost my respect and trust). These ideas are specific to me and this girl though. A broader understanding is needed.
- Economics: our economy is very broken obviously, and politicians keep applying patches + quick fixes that work for a short period of time and then fail again. Gone are the days when you can hold 1 job from school graduation until retirement at 65 years old and then live comfortably on a pension until death. I've had the fortune of hearing honest talks by a good number of medical and (bio)chemical Nobel Laureates, successful professors as well as industry scientists who work in giant pharmaceutical companies. So, supposedly my training would lead me directly to one of these 2 paths - academia or industry. Their presentations as well as my past years of experience in grad school make me not want to jump at the first job opening available anywhere. If you talk to scientists who do research on drugs and vaccines, their intention is to come up with a new drug that will cure or alleviate suffering from diseases (this was my intention too when I decided to study biology as a major). When I talk to the average people or read the media, the public seems to think that the purpose of developing drugs is to make big money (evil big pharma). Some even go as far to say that pharmaceutical companies can actually cure diseases, but they purposely only sell drugs that temporarily suppress symptoms but keep you sick for a long time. I think this misunderstanding exists because people vastly underestimate the complexity of biology and over-estimate the abilities of scientists (these drugs are less than ideal because they are already the best effort that teams of brilliant researchers can come up with, not simply a money-making gimmick). Anyways, I need to teach myself a bit about economy and try to think things through.
- Dualism: again I know very little about this topic, but it's central to yoga I believe, and possibly the source of so many problems in the world.
As you can see, I've got a lot of reading to do. I feel like a bit of self-education will help me navigate through life better, rather than just conforming to current moulds of society: find a husband; have 2.3 kids; take up any job that's stable and pays the bills, who cares if you like the job or not; raise kids to 18 and your responsibility is done when kids make it to college; constantly compare yourself with your peers regarding your salary amount, the size of your house, the niceness of your car, the maintenance level of your external beauty, the achievements of your kids, etc. Make sure your kids do what you want them to do, or else argue with them until they run away from home. Constantly worry about money. If you have extra cash, spend it on luxury items like yachts and jewellery, and then complain you don't have enough money. Make sure to find issues to worry about if finance isn't your biggest worry.
I don't think I can change the world, but I'd like to gain insight and perhaps modify a few biased beliefs that I was brought up with. I'd like to figure out some stuff that are society norms but are not necessarily the right way to do things. I'd also like to get an idea of how to navigate myself through this imperfect world and not turn into a permanently bitter person.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
More indulgence in yoga/meditation workshops
Sarah Powers was in town this past weekend. A friend told me she really loved Sarah's yin yoga classes. I'm not a big fan of yin yoga, not because I'm all about getting a work out, but because I'm paranoid about yin practice making my hyperflexiblity worse (risking injury). I am always worried about going into a stretch pose without also having my muscles engaged to protect my ligaments from being stretched as well. Bones shrink as we age, but ligaments, once stretched, do not shorten again. In the back of my mind, I'm always wondering if I should be practicing Tai Chi rather than yoga.....
Anyways, at first I didn't think her style of teaching would suit me. However, after hearing a podcast on her website, I immediately changed my mind and decided I really wanted to meet her in person, even if only for a day. Her Buddhist teaching really spoke to me over the Internet. So I signed up for her workshop. My friend warned me that Powers speaks really slowly (ie. could put you to sleep). I actually found her pace just right. Compared to Michael Stone, she could pass as a speed talker (still slower than average people, but shorter pauses between her sentences :-) I know you're supposed to follow one teacher, but I found the two teachers complement each other very well in helping me understand the core teachings of Vipassana philosophies. Both of them are long term meditation practitioners, so Powers also gives off this uber-serene/contented vibe, and looks straight into your eyes while giving a public talk. She mentioned that people are normally energetically on the defensive side, to protect themselves from possible (psychological) harm from others, especially strangers. Meditation works to open up that block, making long term practitioners more emotionally/energetically open to people.
Forgive me for being vain, but she must be at lest 45 years old, maybe 50 (she said she's been in the same relationship for about 30 years) but she looks maybe 32 years old. Whatever she's eating/smoking/practicing, I'll have some of the same please :)
One of the things she talked was how humans minds naturally react to the external world:
1. We receive an external stimulus: a sight, a smell, a sound, someone says something bad to us, we step on a nail, etc.
2. When the stimulus is detected, our minds very quickly evaluate it and put a label on it: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral
3. We generate a reaction for this stimulus. If it's pleasant, then we are attracted to it. If it's unpleasant, then we're repulsed by it. If it's neutral, it's non-threatening but also non-interesting. The tendency is to ignore it.
4. Actions arise as a result of our emotional reaction to it.
For certain stimuli that we've encountered before, these four steps become automatic. An action happens (eg. we blurt out something hurtful when someone close to us pushes our buttons) before we even have a chance to think about it.
Powers said (and this was the most illuminating point for me) that pleasant stimuli don't necessarily mean happy pretty rainbows and puppies. Depending on an individual's upbringing, perhaps one has been raised in a way such that openly expressing happiness is threatening, so one is repulsed by that. Being cynical and depressed may feel safer. Perhaps in someone else's childhood, being judgmental, prejudiced, and competitive had always been encouraged, so that's what he/she is drawn to. Repulsion, disgust, and/or fear occurs when he or she encounters compassion, openness, and love.
So Powers refers to yoga and spiritual studies kind of a "re-parenting" process, which I thought is very interesting. I can't help but wonder what I'd be like today if I had come across this kind of teachings/philosophies, say, 10 or 15 years ago?
Luckily it's still possible to change our habits and patterns of thinking/reaction even in adulthood. As we learn to meditate, beginner meditators can delay the fourth step, meaning that instead of automatically acting out, we can pause, examine our emotional responses to the stimulus, and perhaps make our action not so habitual. This alone is difficult enough and achieving it, even if only occasionally, will make great improvements to our lives. More advanced meditators can influence the third step, meaning they get to a point where they no longer automatically generate intense emotions for the external stimuli. I'm not completely sure about this point. I thought it would be an ultimate achievement to catch an emotion as it just begins to blossom? I guess people naturally try to fake this by suppressing an emotion that comes up when we encounter something dramatic, but suppressing is not quite the same as not having that reaction/emotion at all in the first place. The repressed negative feelings are actually what form the granthis (knots) in the subtle body in the first place.
She actually taught a lot more, but the main point is that meditation helps our minds get more focused, wakes us up from our habitual thinking/acting patterns, and aids us in gaining broader perspectives to life. So now I can't wait to do a Vipassana retreat. I'm currently on a wait list. If I don't get in, I'll have to do this a lot later, but otherwise, I'm set to go on one at the beginning of 2012. I must be one of the very few beings in the world looking forward to sitting around doing nothing except trying not to think for 10 days :) Just wait until I start to majorly regret my decision 2 hours into the sitting meditation :)
Anyways, at first I didn't think her style of teaching would suit me. However, after hearing a podcast on her website, I immediately changed my mind and decided I really wanted to meet her in person, even if only for a day. Her Buddhist teaching really spoke to me over the Internet. So I signed up for her workshop. My friend warned me that Powers speaks really slowly (ie. could put you to sleep). I actually found her pace just right. Compared to Michael Stone, she could pass as a speed talker (still slower than average people, but shorter pauses between her sentences :-) I know you're supposed to follow one teacher, but I found the two teachers complement each other very well in helping me understand the core teachings of Vipassana philosophies. Both of them are long term meditation practitioners, so Powers also gives off this uber-serene/contented vibe, and looks straight into your eyes while giving a public talk. She mentioned that people are normally energetically on the defensive side, to protect themselves from possible (psychological) harm from others, especially strangers. Meditation works to open up that block, making long term practitioners more emotionally/energetically open to people.
Forgive me for being vain, but she must be at lest 45 years old, maybe 50 (she said she's been in the same relationship for about 30 years) but she looks maybe 32 years old. Whatever she's eating/smoking/practicing, I'll have some of the same please :)
One of the things she talked was how humans minds naturally react to the external world:
1. We receive an external stimulus: a sight, a smell, a sound, someone says something bad to us, we step on a nail, etc.
2. When the stimulus is detected, our minds very quickly evaluate it and put a label on it: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral
3. We generate a reaction for this stimulus. If it's pleasant, then we are attracted to it. If it's unpleasant, then we're repulsed by it. If it's neutral, it's non-threatening but also non-interesting. The tendency is to ignore it.
4. Actions arise as a result of our emotional reaction to it.
For certain stimuli that we've encountered before, these four steps become automatic. An action happens (eg. we blurt out something hurtful when someone close to us pushes our buttons) before we even have a chance to think about it.
Powers said (and this was the most illuminating point for me) that pleasant stimuli don't necessarily mean happy pretty rainbows and puppies. Depending on an individual's upbringing, perhaps one has been raised in a way such that openly expressing happiness is threatening, so one is repulsed by that. Being cynical and depressed may feel safer. Perhaps in someone else's childhood, being judgmental, prejudiced, and competitive had always been encouraged, so that's what he/she is drawn to. Repulsion, disgust, and/or fear occurs when he or she encounters compassion, openness, and love.
So Powers refers to yoga and spiritual studies kind of a "re-parenting" process, which I thought is very interesting. I can't help but wonder what I'd be like today if I had come across this kind of teachings/philosophies, say, 10 or 15 years ago?
Luckily it's still possible to change our habits and patterns of thinking/reaction even in adulthood. As we learn to meditate, beginner meditators can delay the fourth step, meaning that instead of automatically acting out, we can pause, examine our emotional responses to the stimulus, and perhaps make our action not so habitual. This alone is difficult enough and achieving it, even if only occasionally, will make great improvements to our lives. More advanced meditators can influence the third step, meaning they get to a point where they no longer automatically generate intense emotions for the external stimuli. I'm not completely sure about this point. I thought it would be an ultimate achievement to catch an emotion as it just begins to blossom? I guess people naturally try to fake this by suppressing an emotion that comes up when we encounter something dramatic, but suppressing is not quite the same as not having that reaction/emotion at all in the first place. The repressed negative feelings are actually what form the granthis (knots) in the subtle body in the first place.
She actually taught a lot more, but the main point is that meditation helps our minds get more focused, wakes us up from our habitual thinking/acting patterns, and aids us in gaining broader perspectives to life. So now I can't wait to do a Vipassana retreat. I'm currently on a wait list. If I don't get in, I'll have to do this a lot later, but otherwise, I'm set to go on one at the beginning of 2012. I must be one of the very few beings in the world looking forward to sitting around doing nothing except trying not to think for 10 days :) Just wait until I start to majorly regret my decision 2 hours into the sitting meditation :)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Yoga Conference part II - geeking out with yoga anatomy and physiology
After a day of nerve calming, blood pressure soothing pranayama practice with Michael Stone, I dreaded about the second day. I could have signed up for vinyasa krama, Buddhism discussion, and exercises for anxiety - all calming style classes that my body and mind earnestly craved. Instead, my inner nerd acted out about 3 months ago and signed up for the most geeky and technical classes: the science of stretching, how to heal hips and knees with yoga, more explanations about bandhas, and more anatomy and movement analysis about yoga asanas. People can be compulsive shoppers, gamblers, alcohol and drug addicts. I apparently am a pathological compulsive knowledge-acquirer. Here are some notes on what I learned:
The science of stretching (with Blake Martin, PhD in kinesiology/neuroscience):
- Blake does not like the word "flexibility". In standard fitness programs, flexibility is measured by the sit and reach test. But what the heck does this test measure? One could have one or some or all of the following: tight hip flexors, tight hamstrings, stiff upper back, stiff lower back, a gut which prevents forward folds when not sucked in, etc. If one has much longer legs in proportion to one's torso and arm lengths, their sit-and-reach score would be a lot worse than someone of the same height with much shorter legs and comparatively longer arms. If one folds forward from their upper back or waist rather than from the pelvis, one cannot reach as far as one can than if one lifts up from the pelvis and reach forward, folding at the pelvis level instead. If one practices forward folds a lot, one can do well on this test, but the test does not say anything about the person's shoulder flexibility or back bending abilities. He suggests replacing the word "flexibility" with the term "range of motion", which is a lot more descriptive and more specific with respect to each joint.
- When one starts a stretching program (eg. yoga), changes happen first at the neuro level before the muscular level - i.e subject will improve in a particular pose, but when measured, the muscle fiber lengths haven't changed yet. One's flexibility is partly mental, partly physical. I'm not sure if this simply means that mental blocks release faster than muscles, or if the mental block must be released before the muscles/connective tissues will start to undergo measurable changes. I know for a fact that very often (not always, but often), when people claim they can't do a pose, it's a mental issue rather than an actual physical limitation, even though people come up with a ton of excuses, including the claim that they have physical limitation issues. On the other hand, sometimes the structure of bones do set the limit for range of motion for certain people. Man, it would suck to have bones that bang into each other for some movements that other people can do with no problems.
- Many of the bendy yoga poses push the body's ranges of motion past what's functional for every day activities or even most conventional sports. When we work on "advanced yoga poses" (eg. leg behind the head poses; standing on the head for long periods of time with no arm support), we should be aware that we're no longer practicing for practical health reasons, but rather for other reasons such as spiritual yearning, egotistical reasons, wannabe contortionists, or we want to become yoga teachers :) I know I try out the crazy poses because my ego wants to see how far my body can be pushed without seriously hurting myself.
Demystifying the Bandhas (with Leslie Kaminoff)
Leslie Kaminoff is a wonderful story teller and his knowledge of the human body is absolutely incredible. I really enjoyed the history lesson he gave us on how Krishnamacharya became a yoga teacher, when he could have become a religious leader in Southern India instead and lived a cushy life. He reinforced what Michael Stone said about the fact that the usage of bandhas really belongs to pranayama breathing techniques rather than as part of the asanas - something that needs to be actively "engaged" while doing jump backs and jump throughs, and kind of blamed Ashtangis for confusing everyone in the West about the topic. I don't know... as I watched the video of Krishnamacharya's demo that he showed during the workshop, it's very obvious that Krishnamacharya's bandhas were very engaged. I guess instead of saying he was actively engaging his bandhas, what was really happening was that he was doing proper pranayama such that the bandhas were engaged as a result. So, since proper breathing techniques are a lot harder to master than asanas, should we actively engage the muscles of the pelvic floor and the deep core muscles when we practice yoga, while our breathing techniques are still crappy at the beginner stage, or should we just not bother? Perhaps teachers should just tell students to use their core muscles to hold up their bodies while doing asanas, instead of using the word "bandhas" at all? I do understand why he's not happy about how bandhas are misinterpreted by a lot of the yoga teachers. I think bandhas are introduced so early in Ashtanga classes because if a student stays with the system for long enough, he or she will eventually get into pranayama studies and get proficient at breathing properly while doing the Ashtanga series. Problem is most students do not stick with one practice. Many people switch styles (to, say Power yoga) when they get bored or hit a wall, but the teaching of bandhas stay with them, so they pass it on in their free style power yoga classes.
I guess the take home message is that bandhas and core muscle engagement are two separate issues. Until we have mastered our breathing techniques, don't worry about "squeezing the anus" at all times in yoga classes. I'm getting less confused about the bandhas issue now. If you are still confused, you should keep seeking out reputable yoga teachers to study with. If you practice yoga from a DVD or at the local gym, and have no plans to be obsessive compulsive about yoga like me and spend your mortgage savings on yoga workshops, then, forget about the bandhas. They are not necessary for your yoga practice.
The science of stretching (with Blake Martin, PhD in kinesiology/neuroscience):
- Blake does not like the word "flexibility". In standard fitness programs, flexibility is measured by the sit and reach test. But what the heck does this test measure? One could have one or some or all of the following: tight hip flexors, tight hamstrings, stiff upper back, stiff lower back, a gut which prevents forward folds when not sucked in, etc. If one has much longer legs in proportion to one's torso and arm lengths, their sit-and-reach score would be a lot worse than someone of the same height with much shorter legs and comparatively longer arms. If one folds forward from their upper back or waist rather than from the pelvis, one cannot reach as far as one can than if one lifts up from the pelvis and reach forward, folding at the pelvis level instead. If one practices forward folds a lot, one can do well on this test, but the test does not say anything about the person's shoulder flexibility or back bending abilities. He suggests replacing the word "flexibility" with the term "range of motion", which is a lot more descriptive and more specific with respect to each joint.
- When one starts a stretching program (eg. yoga), changes happen first at the neuro level before the muscular level - i.e subject will improve in a particular pose, but when measured, the muscle fiber lengths haven't changed yet. One's flexibility is partly mental, partly physical. I'm not sure if this simply means that mental blocks release faster than muscles, or if the mental block must be released before the muscles/connective tissues will start to undergo measurable changes. I know for a fact that very often (not always, but often), when people claim they can't do a pose, it's a mental issue rather than an actual physical limitation, even though people come up with a ton of excuses, including the claim that they have physical limitation issues. On the other hand, sometimes the structure of bones do set the limit for range of motion for certain people. Man, it would suck to have bones that bang into each other for some movements that other people can do with no problems.
- Many of the bendy yoga poses push the body's ranges of motion past what's functional for every day activities or even most conventional sports. When we work on "advanced yoga poses" (eg. leg behind the head poses; standing on the head for long periods of time with no arm support), we should be aware that we're no longer practicing for practical health reasons, but rather for other reasons such as spiritual yearning, egotistical reasons, wannabe contortionists, or we want to become yoga teachers :) I know I try out the crazy poses because my ego wants to see how far my body can be pushed without seriously hurting myself.
Demystifying the Bandhas (with Leslie Kaminoff)
Leslie Kaminoff is a wonderful story teller and his knowledge of the human body is absolutely incredible. I really enjoyed the history lesson he gave us on how Krishnamacharya became a yoga teacher, when he could have become a religious leader in Southern India instead and lived a cushy life. He reinforced what Michael Stone said about the fact that the usage of bandhas really belongs to pranayama breathing techniques rather than as part of the asanas - something that needs to be actively "engaged" while doing jump backs and jump throughs, and kind of blamed Ashtangis for confusing everyone in the West about the topic. I don't know... as I watched the video of Krishnamacharya's demo that he showed during the workshop, it's very obvious that Krishnamacharya's bandhas were very engaged. I guess instead of saying he was actively engaging his bandhas, what was really happening was that he was doing proper pranayama such that the bandhas were engaged as a result. So, since proper breathing techniques are a lot harder to master than asanas, should we actively engage the muscles of the pelvic floor and the deep core muscles when we practice yoga, while our breathing techniques are still crappy at the beginner stage, or should we just not bother? Perhaps teachers should just tell students to use their core muscles to hold up their bodies while doing asanas, instead of using the word "bandhas" at all? I do understand why he's not happy about how bandhas are misinterpreted by a lot of the yoga teachers. I think bandhas are introduced so early in Ashtanga classes because if a student stays with the system for long enough, he or she will eventually get into pranayama studies and get proficient at breathing properly while doing the Ashtanga series. Problem is most students do not stick with one practice. Many people switch styles (to, say Power yoga) when they get bored or hit a wall, but the teaching of bandhas stay with them, so they pass it on in their free style power yoga classes.
I guess the take home message is that bandhas and core muscle engagement are two separate issues. Until we have mastered our breathing techniques, don't worry about "squeezing the anus" at all times in yoga classes. I'm getting less confused about the bandhas issue now. If you are still confused, you should keep seeking out reputable yoga teachers to study with. If you practice yoga from a DVD or at the local gym, and have no plans to be obsessive compulsive about yoga like me and spend your mortgage savings on yoga workshops, then, forget about the bandhas. They are not necessary for your yoga practice.
Yoga conference part I - an unconventional path to healing
For a couple of weeks, I put myself in Personal Hell, chaining myself to a computer, sometimes getting a couple hours of productive work done; sometimes an entire day went by and I realized I've checked Facebook 50 times, checked my emails 100 times, read 30 yoga blogs/articles, with no new paragraphs added to my thesis. When it got near the deadline it all came down to "what's the minimum amount of work I absolutely need to do so I would not completely despise this piece of crap that I am putting my name down as an author?" Finally, got the piece of writing completed and handed in on Thursday evening (thank goodness for emails these days), and on Friday, headed to Happiness Land a.k.a. "Yoga Conference".
I must have done some incredible deeds in my previous reincarnation to have earned the Universe so conveniently arrange a yoga conference in my town right after my thesis deadline. First up, a day with Michael Stone. The moment I walked into the conference room, I saw him sitting so peacefully in front of the room, legs crossed, eyes closed, while unenlightened students like me rushed in, clumsily and noisily set their stuff down, realized they have forgotten some stuff, ran out of the room and back in again, slamming the door way too loudly both times, rolled out the mat so that it slapped the ground with a thump, disturbing all the other students trying to meditate, and finally settled in after ensuring everyone else's meditation attempts have been disrupted. The whole time, Michael did not even move an eyebrow hair. This made me feel like I was in good hands (while at the same time feeling like the biggest asshole in the room).
The workshop was about pranyama, but really the main message of the day was that bandhas are not something we engage and hold; they naturally happen if and when we breath properly. Mula bandha happens at the end of an exhale; uddiyana bandha can be felt as the diaphragm moves to let air in at an inhale or pushes air out in an exhale. So he tried to get us to feel our bandhas in sun salutations by inhaling our arms up, hold the breath, lift out of our spine, dive down 1/4 of the way, then exhale all the way to forward fold. I suppose uddiyana bandha happens at that 1/4 point. Then inhale half way lift, exhale fold, step back to chaturanga, inhale up dog, exhale down dog, yadda yadda, hold the down dog for 5 breaths, and then fully exhale all the air out before stepping the feet up to meet the hands.
Sounds like something Ashtangis can easily achieve right? Except I couldn't do it at all. I felt like I was going to suffocate if I tried to hold my breath for more than a few seconds at the end of the first inhale, and I couldn't fully exhale all the air out in down dog before breathing in again. Second exercise: supposedly it's easier to feel the bandhas when upside down. We're told to simply watch our belly go up and down evenly as we breath in and out while in halasana (different instruction than what my teacher normally teaches: to hold our belly so it doesn't pump up and down in this pose). So I tried to do it, and watched my navel with horror that I couldn't get my belly movement to coordinate with my breath. My ab muscles seem like nervous wrecks, sharply contracting and clumsily releasing, totally doing their own thing independently of my breath. Basically the entire morning served as to tell me that my nervous system was f*ed up. My breaths felt shaky the whole time; my muscles held tension that I couldn't consciously release; every breath retention generated anxiety.
Despite all this, I instinctually felt like I couldn't be in a more appropriate setting to heal myself. In the afternoon, Michael spent some time talking about how the world is out of balance, how we need to wake up from our self-obsession mode, heal ourselves, and serve our family and friends who need a clear mind to help them out. It was a pretty generic type of talk that he always gives if you listen to his pod casts and interviews online, but having the opportunity to listening to him speak in person felt so healing. As if he could read my mind, he said, "sometimes we need to hear reminders like this every day". We did a couple more exercises, again serving the purpose to frustrate me with my inability to coordinate muscle contraction/movement with breath, but I think that with practice, I would be able to do these exercises in the future with better results. At this point I already felt a lot better than in the morning, with less jitter and less unease within me. He ended the workshop by leading us through a very simple inhale and exhale exercise, where the inhales eventually got much longer than the exhales. By the time he stopped counting. the shakes in my breaths were gone; the breaths and the heartbeats felt smooth and rhythmic, and the nervous system had completely calmed down. A most appropriate therapeutic session was complete. I sort of wanted to kick myself for not signing up for his other sessions the next couple of days but because I was in such a calm state, I wasn't in the mood to be so hard on myself as I normally would. A definite sign the yoga was working!
I must have done some incredible deeds in my previous reincarnation to have earned the Universe so conveniently arrange a yoga conference in my town right after my thesis deadline. First up, a day with Michael Stone. The moment I walked into the conference room, I saw him sitting so peacefully in front of the room, legs crossed, eyes closed, while unenlightened students like me rushed in, clumsily and noisily set their stuff down, realized they have forgotten some stuff, ran out of the room and back in again, slamming the door way too loudly both times, rolled out the mat so that it slapped the ground with a thump, disturbing all the other students trying to meditate, and finally settled in after ensuring everyone else's meditation attempts have been disrupted. The whole time, Michael did not even move an eyebrow hair. This made me feel like I was in good hands (while at the same time feeling like the biggest asshole in the room).
The workshop was about pranyama, but really the main message of the day was that bandhas are not something we engage and hold; they naturally happen if and when we breath properly. Mula bandha happens at the end of an exhale; uddiyana bandha can be felt as the diaphragm moves to let air in at an inhale or pushes air out in an exhale. So he tried to get us to feel our bandhas in sun salutations by inhaling our arms up, hold the breath, lift out of our spine, dive down 1/4 of the way, then exhale all the way to forward fold. I suppose uddiyana bandha happens at that 1/4 point. Then inhale half way lift, exhale fold, step back to chaturanga, inhale up dog, exhale down dog, yadda yadda, hold the down dog for 5 breaths, and then fully exhale all the air out before stepping the feet up to meet the hands.
Sounds like something Ashtangis can easily achieve right? Except I couldn't do it at all. I felt like I was going to suffocate if I tried to hold my breath for more than a few seconds at the end of the first inhale, and I couldn't fully exhale all the air out in down dog before breathing in again. Second exercise: supposedly it's easier to feel the bandhas when upside down. We're told to simply watch our belly go up and down evenly as we breath in and out while in halasana (different instruction than what my teacher normally teaches: to hold our belly so it doesn't pump up and down in this pose). So I tried to do it, and watched my navel with horror that I couldn't get my belly movement to coordinate with my breath. My ab muscles seem like nervous wrecks, sharply contracting and clumsily releasing, totally doing their own thing independently of my breath. Basically the entire morning served as to tell me that my nervous system was f*ed up. My breaths felt shaky the whole time; my muscles held tension that I couldn't consciously release; every breath retention generated anxiety.
Despite all this, I instinctually felt like I couldn't be in a more appropriate setting to heal myself. In the afternoon, Michael spent some time talking about how the world is out of balance, how we need to wake up from our self-obsession mode, heal ourselves, and serve our family and friends who need a clear mind to help them out. It was a pretty generic type of talk that he always gives if you listen to his pod casts and interviews online, but having the opportunity to listening to him speak in person felt so healing. As if he could read my mind, he said, "sometimes we need to hear reminders like this every day". We did a couple more exercises, again serving the purpose to frustrate me with my inability to coordinate muscle contraction/movement with breath, but I think that with practice, I would be able to do these exercises in the future with better results. At this point I already felt a lot better than in the morning, with less jitter and less unease within me. He ended the workshop by leading us through a very simple inhale and exhale exercise, where the inhales eventually got much longer than the exhales. By the time he stopped counting. the shakes in my breaths were gone; the breaths and the heartbeats felt smooth and rhythmic, and the nervous system had completely calmed down. A most appropriate therapeutic session was complete. I sort of wanted to kick myself for not signing up for his other sessions the next couple of days but because I was in such a calm state, I wasn't in the mood to be so hard on myself as I normally would. A definite sign the yoga was working!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Thank goodness for yin and restorative yoga
Been working long hours on my thesis lately. A fellow graduate says it best: it's like giving birth to an ugly baby... The labour is long and hard but you get no satisfaction in the end. I am still not done yet but I hate this piece of work no matter how many more edits I make to it. Working on something I dislike drains so much energy I couldn't even bring myself to do any Ashtanga lately. I am just too exhausted these days. So I do yin and restorative, trying to bring myself some peace and prevent total burn out. They are not black magic; I don't feel 100% restored after the class, but I do feel the grip of mental stress loosens up a little after class. For this I am thankful.
I am a little puzzled as to why people who tell me they are stressed out frantically refuse my offer to take them to a restorative yoga class. Perhaps the world is too full of false advertisements that they are skeptical about the word "restorative". Maybe they think that I "restore" by holding a headstand for 60 minutes. Maybe when I tell them the class description says that this class is suitable for cancer patients and people recovering from injury, they think I mean "cancer patients and injured people who must be former Olympians". Maybe I am just the world's most unconvincing and untrustworthy person.
Come to think of it, with so much mental resistance, perhaps it would be possible to go to a restorative class determined not to relax, and then complain that this class doesn't work. I should just let it be then, and keep working on my own relaxation skills, which apparently suck a lot more than my muscle engagement skills. I was recently been told by my dentist that I must be grinding my teeth at night because my fillings look worn out. He also says I suck at relaxing my jaw. Damn it, can't believe I got called out by a dentist. All these yoga and nothing to show for it but fancy asanas (/sarcasm).
I am a little puzzled as to why people who tell me they are stressed out frantically refuse my offer to take them to a restorative yoga class. Perhaps the world is too full of false advertisements that they are skeptical about the word "restorative". Maybe they think that I "restore" by holding a headstand for 60 minutes. Maybe when I tell them the class description says that this class is suitable for cancer patients and people recovering from injury, they think I mean "cancer patients and injured people who must be former Olympians". Maybe I am just the world's most unconvincing and untrustworthy person.
Come to think of it, with so much mental resistance, perhaps it would be possible to go to a restorative class determined not to relax, and then complain that this class doesn't work. I should just let it be then, and keep working on my own relaxation skills, which apparently suck a lot more than my muscle engagement skills. I was recently been told by my dentist that I must be grinding my teeth at night because my fillings look worn out. He also says I suck at relaxing my jaw. Damn it, can't believe I got called out by a dentist. All these yoga and nothing to show for it but fancy asanas (/sarcasm).
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