Goal for the holidays: try to relax

Hot yoga has been really awesome. I really love the strengthening aspects of it, and the heat.. sweet sweet heat (plus the asana sequence of course) warm me up internally and externally in this perpetually snowy weather. When a pose is held, the pose actively makes me tense up everything, so that in rest poses, I relax and let the blood circulation rush to areas where I normally permanently hold tension all day long. In a yoga class when I lie on the floor I can really feel that it is one of the few moments when I am relaxing as opposed to most of the other moments during the day. I'm lucky that the studio happens to have an American teacher with amazingly well enunciated crystal-clear instructions that kicks me in the butt and gets me through the two hours trying my best. The other day the tram was delayed 20 minutes due to too much snow and I went to a class with Swedish instructions instead. I didn't understand a thing, but it didn't matter. The teacher had a voice meant for gentle hatha or restorative yoga. I couldn't hold still for most of the challenging balancing poses. I guess manner is everything for a Bikram teacher, Japanese ham sandwich or not (I'm pretty sure that phrase got taken out of the Swedish instructions). In the moments of savasana in class, I felt pretty close to total relaxation. But I still miss my yoga studio back home in Vancouver dearly, as it is a really special, heart-warming space with lots of compassion and care.

One of day of "work" and it'll be holiday time for moi! Was still really uptight the second last day of work because every day I don't feel like I get enough accomplished (most of the time I'm just figuring out how I should do things rather than actually doing things). As I mentioned in the title: I need to try to actively make myself relax over the holidays before I die of cortisol overload!

Thank goodness for yin and restorative yoga

Been working long hours on my thesis lately. A fellow graduate says it best: it's like giving birth to an ugly baby... The labour is long and hard but you get no satisfaction in the end. I am still not done yet but I hate this piece of work no matter how many more edits I make to it. Working on something I dislike drains so much energy I couldn't even bring myself to do any Ashtanga lately. I am just too exhausted these days. So I do yin and restorative, trying to bring myself some peace and prevent total burn out. They are not black magic; I don't feel 100% restored after the class, but I do feel the grip of mental stress loosens up a little after class. For this I am thankful.

I am a little puzzled as to why people who tell me they are stressed out frantically refuse my offer to take them to a restorative yoga class. Perhaps the world is too full of false advertisements that they are skeptical about the word "restorative". Maybe they think that I "restore" by holding a headstand for 60 minutes. Maybe when I tell them the class description says that this class is suitable for cancer patients and people recovering from injury, they think I mean "cancer patients and injured people who must be former Olympians". Maybe I am just the world's most unconvincing and untrustworthy person.

Come to think of it, with so much mental resistance, perhaps it would be possible to go to a restorative class determined not to relax, and then complain that this class doesn't work. I should just let it be then, and keep working on my own relaxation skills, which apparently suck a lot more than my muscle engagement skills. I was recently been told by my dentist that I must be grinding my teeth at night because my fillings look worn out. He also says I suck at relaxing my jaw. Damn it, can't believe I got called out by a dentist. All these yoga and nothing to show for it but fancy asanas (/sarcasm).