Major shifts in my internal mental state

I managed to accomplish what I set out to do over the holidays: actively work on letting my mind settle and relax. I did this by buying a way over-priced last-minute plane ticket to India... back to where I was last time. Did nothing but sat around, enjoyed the comfortable warm weather, the gorgeous beach, the healthy and delicious food; the cheap but great massages, the warmth of the local people. No multi-terabytes of data needed to be analyzed; no computer screens sucking my life energy out of me; no foreign Swedish or Japanese culture that I had to learn to conform to (the locals conform to the tourist cultures); no getting lost in traffic and foreign roads this time around. Many of the vendors and restaurant servers remembered me from the last time I was there. No ashtanga yoga this time, though I did sign up for some simple hatha yoga classes with the local teachers. Turned out I don't love the Sivananda yoga sequence, but it still had a effect on me in letting me notice my energy shifts in the body.

As I allowed myself to do next to nothing and just be, I could feel the turbulence within me - both the non-stop thoughts in my mind and the anxious energy in my body - slowly began to settle over the weeks. It didn't happen all at once. The first week was actually really chaotic as I was again in a foreign setting for the third month in a row, but by the third week I began to experience some equanimity within me, despite all the craziness happening around me that was very typical of India.

When I first arrived, it felt like I had traveled back in time to February 2012. I mean there were new hotels, ayurvedic centers and restaurants popping up in every corner of the beach, but the whole atmosphere was so familiar. After a few months of chaos, with all my moves and new jobs and new culture to adapt to, being back in Kerala made me feel like the past few months were only a dream. It was insane when people waved at me and said, "Hi! I remember you from last year! Did you just arrive today?" Even if I go back to Canada now, only my friends would say that, never restaurant servers.

Actually, a million things happened on this trip.. tons of drama, even some heart breaks and tears. But the peacefulness I felt briefly at times among all the craziness and the heart-felt openness / friendliness of the people... these were exactly the reasons why I recklessly threw away my hard earned money to travel back to where I was 10 months ago. I really think the yogis who travel all the way to India should take time to have a break from the yoga classes and try to just experience India for what it is.

2011 Reflections

In 2011 I:

- Finally got myself out of graduate school after a long long time. Woot!

- Made use of 911 service for the first time in my life, and subsequently had to use it 2 more times later in the year - all necessary emergencies for friends and family (good things and bad things like to come in threes!). Won't go into details, but suffice to say this was indeed an eventful year. I got an opportunity to deal with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, rode in an ambulance for the first time, and I got to interact with a total of 10 firefighters (was never in any situations involving fire, but I learned that firefighters are first responders so they'll usually arrive first if the dispatcher cannot get an ambulance or cop cars to the scene right away.

- Went to a Kino workshop (sorry I didn't blog about it; was trying to stay anonymous but fellow Ashtangis found out about this blog anyways). Kino helped me with my first ever drop back.

- Went to Thailand for the first time ever, and loved it! Hoping to go back again next year.

- Vipassana retreat is not going to happen in January. It's okay.. I will definitely go on one in the future.

I hope 2012 will be a great year. I am in dire need of chakra balancing, meridian cleansing, nervous system restoration, and all that stuff. Seriously. Doing a PhD causes serious brain damage. I hope it's a non-permanent one that can be reversed somewhat.


I have made zero plans for job hunting, but I do have several travel plans. I may or may not blog about them. We'll see how it goes. Will let you know if I get a job by the second half of the year or if I will remain as a bum for the rest of my life.

Thailand - land of smiles and unforgettable kind souls

Happy New Year everyone!

I recently went on an Island hopping tour in Thailand, with the intention to get away from family, who were too eager to show their hospitality to the point of overwhelming me. I just wanted to lie around doing nothing on gorgeous Thai beaches for a week.  Turned out the itinerary was so packed, I visited something like 12 beaches in 7 days. Instead of lying around, I ended up snorkeling, swimming, fishing, hiking, boating, and was exhausted every day.  However, my normally over-critical/analytical mind got a nice break. My thought process, often stuck in a habitual way of thinking, also got refreshed with new perspectives, so I call this trip a success.

A few examples of gorgeous beaches I visited

The beaches were as pristine and beautiful as expected. However, knowing that Thailand is an ultra-popular tourist destination, I was somewhat expecting an over-commercialize trip with local vendors trying to sell me stuff everywhere I go and scam me every chance they get. By the end of the trip I felt like I've never been pampered so well in my life and seriously did not want to go home.

The highlight of my trip was a 2-day camping trip on a remote island, with a pristine beach but a campsite full of mosquitoes, monitor lizards, and bathrooms with no hot water.

A monitor lizard. These guys are HUGE and like to hang out at the entrance of lady's bathroom  at night.

Despite all this, the people who ran the campsite absolutely won my heart. They operated the long-tail boat, carried our luggages, took us fishing and snorkeling, cooked us delicious breakfasts, lunches and dinners, and at night time, they laid out these nice straw mats for us to sit and relax on the beach. Then one of the whipped out a guitar, and started playing Thai folk music. One of the boatmen started to sing, and then all the others joined him. It sounded like heaven. The guys were shy at first, but after a few drinks (cheap Thai Whiskey), they were singing their hearts out like choir boys putting on their best performance and genuinely showing their joy on their beautiful faces. The only other times I got to see this kind of sincerity were maybe at elementary school performances.  As the night went on they started offering us what they were drinking and smoking. I felt like I was at their home and they were doing everything they could to make us feel more at home.  It was a magical experience I will never forget.

I was on this boat for quite a few days. Loved every minute of it.

The guys who ran our boat during the day. Later on more guys came out and formed a nice choir

It's really hard to organize all the intense thoughts and feelings I have about this trip. Below are a few points I wanted to mention:

1. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to spend a few days with these people, who were gentle, polite, smart, observant, hardworking, highly skilled at their jobs, and carried such gorgeous smiles. They went out of their ways to pamper and entertain us every day. Even though they did not speak much English, and I spoke zero Thai, I felt like they could often read my mind (really good hospitality skills maybe?), and they really enjoyed what they do.

2. Drinking and smoking: I know that these habits are bad for the body and normally avoid them, especially smoking. However, at this particular occasion, I felt that since I didn't speak their language or know their songs, sharing a drink with them was the best way to connect with the locals and I have a feeling they really appreciated it.  To be honest, they live a much healthier lifestyle compared to us anyways: getting up at 6-7am every morning, doing labor work, swimming every day, developing superb balancing skills running up and down the simple long-tail boat, eating freshly caught fish all the time, and living a low-stress life.  Actually, when I declined the cigarette they offered me (I was afraid I'd cough and tear up and make a fool of myself), they paused, looked at each other, withdrew their offer, and said to me, "Good to not smoke. Smoking bad for you!"  I thought that was really cute :)

3. Did I do any yoga during this trip? No. It just didn't feel right do bust out some yoga moves on this remote island (although many islands did offer yoga classes for the same price as back home, which is a total rip-off, compared to the prices of everything else there). However I felt on this trip I received every benefit that yoga has to offer. I got 2 Thai massages within 9 days. The first one fixed my tweaked neck which had been bothering me for days since before the trip. The second one fixed my achy hip flexors. Thai massage is also known as "Lazyman's yoga" so I got my asana and stretches in for the week. For exercise, I swam and snorkeled 7 days in a row. The last time I went for a swim was November 2009, so this was quite a feat for me. In a way snorkeling is a great pranayama exercise. I found when I didn't maintain rhythmic breathing, I got tired very easily, not to mention salt water splashed down my throat. Only when I finally got a breathing rhythm established, could I really feel at peace and fully enjoy the beautiful view of underwater sceneries. One thing I love about yoga is the connection I make with yoga teachers and fellow yogis. Yoga teachers go out of their way to pamper students, while the yoga community consists of many genuine people striving to support and connect with each other (shout out to the cyber yoga community!). It's pretty bizarre but awesome at the same time to experience the same level of connection and kindness from a bunch of young boys who fish and drive boats for a living. I was also fortunate to be traveling with a group of lovely travelmates from all over the world as well as a superb Thai tour leader who also took great care of us and got us from place to place smoothly.

The year 2010 was a time of my intense obsession with yoga. I am thankful since it was what I needed badly at the time. This trip cured my OCD and showed me that while yoga is a wonderful thing, there are alternative things in life that could offer me much joy too :) I am so lucky to get the chance to travel to remote places in order to gain new perspectives and am grateful to all the beautiful souls who showed me examples of goodness of mankind. There is hope for this world yet :)