Sunday, September 14, 2014

Unwanted at work

Right now I'm being passed around like a hot potato. My direct supervisor is trying to pimp me to his "buddies", ie. big bosses with money, but no one really wants to take me on for short term contract extension. I should have acted like good old conventional postdocs: instead of working hard to finish what I've been working on, I should have slowed down on my work and focused on job hunting instead, because bosses only get excited about starting projects; they don't give a rat's ass about seeing the projects get completed. Or maybe they do up to a certain time period but I have been too slow and they have lost interest.

Anyways, I'm in a pretty shitty situation right now. I recently attended a big boss's talk, which outlines grand plans for the next 3-4 years, with lots of things I can work on, but sorry, he does not want me to work on any of the tasks. I am completely disposable. Somebody else can totally do those action items.

I guess this is what mom wanted to "protect" me from all of my life. That's why she tried to find a job for me because she felt I wouldn't be able to find myself a job or to be able to to keep it. In all honesty, I feel like shit. Like I am under-educated, completely incompetent, inferior to all my colleagues, like I do not make enough contribution to "the team". I have never felt so useless in my life.. Oh wait a minute, that's how I felt during grad school too. In the long run though I think I will survive. I have some savings so I could last a few months being unemployed. I need a break anyways... sick of all the politics and schmoozing and strange priorities and random science projects that do not make sense, just because they could get support based on their reputation.

With all the crazy stuff going on in the world: wars in Ukraine, Syria, Gaza, Iraq, beheadings, Ebola in Africa, complete disregard for other people's health just to make a few bucks in Taiwan... all these just make me want to escape to somewhere with few human beings, like some remote mountain or something. People are so selfish it makes me really depressed. I don't know how to feel hopeful where people around me only care about their own families and loved ones. Everyone else can die for all they care.

I really need to go somewhere with a bit of a community sense, where people actually care a little bit about each other, even the ones who are not related to them by blood.

1 comment:

  1. Dear ...

    I just watched a video on quantum physics as I have criticized it in my recent article :

    That video showed that our thoughts affect environment (yes, I know what you are thinking). Me too knew that esoteric stuff about water which gets affected by our thoughts, positive thinking and the like.

    So, I thought about you ... he hehe he. Always centered on you, always negative and when I came to your blog after a long time. It was funny to see all these negative words : "unwanted", "pretty shitty...", "wars in Ukraine, Ebola".

    Please try an experience. Love your boss, pray for his wellness (this is what Bible says about how to behave with your "enemies"). After that repeat words like "serenity", "harmony", "peace", "love", ... Don't watch TV or read news. Just for a couple of days, you give 10 mniutes or 1 hour, just focus on positive words. Pray for the people you love, repeat nice words, ...

    Then, come again to your blog and read the article.

    Peace be with you,