September climbing progress

So there were days when I felt really weak (couldn't complete a 6+/7- properly). There were days I felt really strong. I completed a 6+/7- with bad handholds (slopers and small jugs) and the footholds were not directly under the handholds. It was the first time in quite awhile that I felt my hands could grip hard even when a pump happens and I couldn't arrive at good handholds / resting spots for quite a few moves. The day after this my left wrist was hurting a bit when I exerted force on the left hand. I have not had this happen before. I'm hoping it will go away in a few days.

Overall, it seems like my strength goes up and down on different days. I keep thinking if I lose some weight then I would climb better, but I am really bad at losing weight. It almost never happens. The alternative is to get stronger... I have a better chance improving my core, back, arm and hand strength. I also have a lot of room to improve for footwork. 

I feel like my currently achievable goals are to climb better... get better at flagging, improve strength slightly, improve my climbing techniques. I hope to also be less scared and dare to try more moves high up on the wall. I guess I will keep climbing 6Bs / 7s for all of next year. I don't expect to gain a lot more strength soon.

The good news of recent climbing are that the limiting factors are usually back and finger tiring out, or general depletion of overall energy. My hand skin and my feet don't seem to cause so much pain that limit my climbing lately. I hope my feet continue to get stronger and that my bunions do not worsen.

Last few weeks of outdoor climbing

 Recently I have been climbing outdoors to take advantage of the last few weeks of good weather. Moves are more diverse outside; the foot holds are sometimes smeary on slabs; the rock face could be wet and muddy. The wind, insects, caterpillars, etc. makes it all more difficult than climbing inside.

So I have fallen twice outside already. I don't know why I have a blind trust that my feet will hold a smear as I go upwards using not so great handholds. I think I have a blind trust on the reported grades -- a 5? For sure I must be able to place my foot on a slab and it won't slip! I am excited about holding some weird positions while clipping. Feels like I am gaining experience and progressing, and I feel strong enough to do some tricky moves.

The bf is really having more trouble with climbing outside. He does not trust his feet at all, and he hates falling even more. He needs to psyche himself before he would do the moves on 3s and 4s with bad/no footholds. We only dare to climb 5- (4cs). I'm hoping to tackle more 5b's and 5c's, or even 6a's, but P is not ready for it.  

I feel this year I will just learn to manage my bunion pains on the rock walls. I won't be climbing 6a's or 6a+s outside at all. Hopefully if my feet are good for the lower grades, they will be good for the higher grades too. A big issue with outdoor climbing is endurance -- holding a move while figuring out what to do next. Now I am at a point where I will cheat and grab the quickdraw if I don't know what part of the wall to grab next. I just need to be strong enough to be able to try a few things, re-position my feet and body in order to get to the next hold, try things half way and be able to reverse into the former position. I am also learning to not be scared of creepy crawlers. They seem pretty harmless compared to falling and getting scratched/cut by rock. Wasps are still annoying/scary though.

End of August climbing progress update

There were days where I couldn't get through 7-s without hanging. I have gained about 1-2kg of weight, and I can feel it in my climbing (7s feel way too hard for my hands now). I also realized that sometimes the climbing shoes hurt my feet because I didn't put my shoes on properly (the toe box needs to be wiggled until my toes don't feel squished). If I don't wear my shoes properly, my feet hurt and I can't climb so well.

Anyways, recently the Scarpa Vapors have been feeling better than they used to, probably because I have broken in the resoles, and because Instincts have a fit that feel even harder on the feet. I am sad that my Tarantulace now feels too large and not supportive enough for my toes. They are fine for very easy routes, where I can place a large portion of my foot on the footholds. They are also fine for routes with smaller footholds, but after awhile, the base of the big toes start to hurt due to lack of shoe support. I guess I will wear them only when my Mythos eventually get resoled. I still haven't decided which rubber I will resole my shoes with.

I haven't done overhang for awhile, and boy, I either felt totally freaked out, or super tired on these routes. Usually I feel especially low energy after eating something, or in the evenings. I'm not sure if I will ever improve this aspect. 

I tried an 7/7+ the other day. I was able to do moves, with shallow handholds, tiny footholds, and uncomfortable/unstable moves. I felt like I could use these holds and do the moves individually, but I was uncomfortable doing that many hard moves in a row. My hands and my feet get tired after one hard pull while pushing hard on a small foothold. The hands and feet (and mental psyche) want a break after every single move. I guess I just need to do the route over and over again until the holds feel less intense and that I get used to doing these moves.

At this point, I don't really expect to get much better at climbing. I have always have trouble losing weight, so unless I can manage to lose like 3-5 kg, I don't think I can improve a grade. My small wish is just to be able to maintain the current level of climbing. The current grades feel relatively challenging and I have fun doing them. So I will keep doing the 7-s forever, while occasionally trying some 7s and 7/7+s.

Bouldering progress

 I felt like I could boulder for longer than before, which means an improvement in endurance. The skin started to feel a bit sore after about an hour. I still have trouble with the blue boulders (up to 6B) since they require strong hands. I tried the circuit and I could barely do a 6A+, but I was happy I could stay on the wall when I was tired and was ready to give up. My hands stayed gripping tightly on the handholds. The foot placement could definitely improve. 

I tried on my Tarantulace  after they have been resoled with "unnamed rubber".  The rubbers are pretty sticky and I have no problem with the resole job. I could however really feel that the shoes don't squeeze the toes together enough. They are sufficient for boulders at my level, but I could see that I won't be able to reliably pushing off of them hard enough for harder routes. The resoled ScarpaVapors though feel reeeeally tight. I'm hoping that the rubbers would soften up a tiny bit after several uses. I'm still hoping to find a pair of shoes that cause less pain to my feet than the ones that I own.

Things to work on: core strength, grip strength, endurance, foot placement, reading routes, hip placement, balance.

I'm also hoping my feet would strengthen enough for them to hurt less in climbing shoes in general. 

August climbing update

I'm looking at my July climbing progress article . I feel like that after doing several routes that were quite fear inducing. Recently I feel less fear when I am on new 7-/7 (6b) routes.  I even did an outdoor 5c route where I actually fell because a handhold I grabbed came off. At the time I thought I was too close to the ground and would hit the ground for sure, but luckily my belay partner caught me so I was totally fine.

For August, I haven't been able to pull harder, but I recognize I would be able to do a 6b route better if I could sustain hard pulls for several moves. So what I am lacking is power endurance. I also recognize that if I had (sustained) stronger finger strength then I would be able to master this grade. I also need much better footwork, because there are some tricky parts where I felt like my feet and hip placement have not been ideal. For lower grades I could just compensate by hanging onto the handholds stronger; but for this grade and higher, the handholds are not nearly as good, so the feet better be more solid and balanced to hold my body weights.

- My core also needs to be stronger. I had less of a body tension issue this month, but maybe I just didn't go on a route that put me in really odd position.

- Regarding fear about being out of balance (at 6b, this will probably change when I climb a higher level): 

•  Less of a problem unless I am very tired. So I am more used to certain positions now. They used to feel imbalanced, now I know my body can still hold the position without falling off. 

- Fear of heights: less of a problem this month

- Fear of falling: having actually fell outside, it's less scary for now.

- This month I started grabbing the quickdraw when I felt like I was not going to hold a position stable. This was a no-no for me before, and now I seem to just care less. I don't know if this is a good or bad development.

I hope by the end of the year I would be more comfortable lead climbing 6b's. Specifically, I hope to improve my power endurance, my footwork, and my core strength. I think losing some weight (3-4kg) would help a lot too.

Choosing climbing shoes

Climbing shoes function to hug the foot, provide support for the sole, squeeze all the toes together, and allow the toes to push off strongly against a foothold to launch the body upwards. Shoes with soft rubbers provide sensitivity, allowing the climber to feel the texture of tiny footholds wherever the toe part of the foot is placed. Stiffer shoes do not allow the foot to feel the shape of footholds, but they provide support for the foot overall, so one can stand on tiny edges on the wall. Advanced climbers prefer soft, downturned, asymmetrical, tight-fitting shoes, which crunch the toes, pull them towards the big toe, and turn a climber's feet into a claw-like structure that can stand on tiny edges even when upside down in a overhang ceiling structure. For intermediate climbers whose feet are not yet used to modern foot binding, a stiffer climbing shoe which support the feet may be a better option. For beginner climbers who are not used to shoes fitting like a glove, a less tight fitting shoe with a stiff but not too stiff, somewhat sticky, flat sole could work. 

I had no clue I would be owning so many pairs of climbing shoes when I started climbing. The problem is, I have what is known as "Greek feet", meaning that the second toe is longer than the big toe. I also have bunions, where the big toe pushes into the other center, and the base of the big toe pokes out as a big bump on the inner side of my foot. Therefore, the front part of my foot  is quite wide and the toes themselves are long. This just seems like a bad combination for climbing overall. I mean, if the toes can function like fingers and grab tree branches/foot holds, then my climbing would be great. But since I am a human being rather than an ape, the hand-like functions of the toes are not longer valid. So the length of the toes just serve as a weakness.

My first pair of shoes (La Sportiva Tarantulace) had a stiff rubber sole, did not hug the feet much, and was the least uncomfortable out of all the climbing shoes I tried on. After I got to 6A/6A+ level, I wondered if an intermediate shoe would help me climb better. So I purchased a pair of Scarpa Vapors, since the internet reviews all claimed that this was the most comfortable intermediate shoes available. The fit of the shoes were fine, and seemed more comfortable than other intermediate/advanced shoes I tried on. However, when I climbed in them, they hurt my feet at the big toes from the beginning, and never really got better. The plus side was that Vapors use XS Edge rubber, which are much stickier than Tarantulace's FriXion rubber. The toe box was also pointier, which allowed me to be more precise with my footwork, and my feet slipped off the footholds less frequently. This helped me advance through 6A+ to 6B. In the mean time, I also learned to have better footwork in my Tarantulace shoes (need to push harder into the wall/footholds).

Having experienced a lot of pain in the Vapors, I decided to find another pair of more comfortable intermediate shoes. I landed on La Sportiva Finale (with XS Edge rubber), which are touted to be not completely beginner shoes, but are supposed to be quite comfortable. Unfortunately, they did not perform as well as the Vapors (hug/support my feet as well) AND they hurt my toes. 

Finally, I turned to La Sportiva Mythos, which are supposed to be the most comfortable climbing shoes. Now that I got used to Vapor, which hugs the feet much more than the Tarantulace, the Mythos felt much more comfortable than when I first tried them on. Mythos have XS Grip2 rubber as the sole, which are sticky, but less stiff than XS Edge. People with fantastic footwork should be able to climb up to 7A with them. But with my problematic feet and toes, I would feel quite insecure climbing 6A+ and harder with the Mythos. So I would switch to Vapor when I climb a new 6A+ or 6B route.

Since there are no shoes more comfortable than the Mythos, I decided to go for an advanced shoe -- the Scarpa Instinct, which are more downturned, but better made than the Vapors, so they hug/fit the foot much better and provide even more precision. They felt totally fine at the shop, but -- you guessed it -- they hurt like hell when I stand on my toes on the wall. I am still in the process of breaking them in, so I can climb about 1-2 routes with them each time I use them before my toes scream "NO MORE CLIMBING FOR TODAY". The good news is that, comparatively, the Vapors don't feel as painful any more!

You might be thinking what a waste of money! Not quite. Climbing shoe rubbers get used up within 3-9 months anyways. You can either resole them (change the piece of rubber at the toe box), or they would need to be replaced (due to a hole forming at the toe part of the shoes). So far I have resoled my Vapor and my Tarantulace. I will be alternating between all of my shoes for the next few years until they are not resolable any more. I use my Mythos for warm up and then switch to the Vapor for hard routes. I think the Finale and the Tarantulace can be used for outdoor climbing, as well as when the Mythos need to be resoled eventually (takes 4-6 weeks before I get them back). I am hoping my feet will eventually get used to the Instinct VS lace, which is supposed to be a "comfortable" super performance shoe. I now understand that when climbers say "comfortable", they mean that the shoe doesn't cause permanent bruise marks in various spots in the foot. Since climbers often size their shoes down 1-4 sizes compared to their street shoes, by sizing down my shoes only 1/2 a size, by climbers' standards, I might as well be climbing in a pair of Crocs. In the mean time, I will keep toughening up my toes until they get stronger or got completely numb!!

Climbing is basically a sport to practice being scared

On the weekend, I climbed a UIAA 7 / French grade 6B route on an arête (outside corner), on a set of triangular / trapezoidal holds with bumps on them for the thumb and fingers to secure on them. The footholds are always angled, so that the climber would feel very insecure standing on them. I found that I had enough grip strength to hang on to the holds. The route is more about balancing and being able to use the holds securely without requiring too much force. However, since this style of handholds and footholds are brand new to me. I constantly felt insecure, whenever I had to shift positions to do the next move. As someone who hating falling, I would basically clip super high (way over my head, as soon as my finger tip could reach a quickdraw), and would hang after every move. Basically, because I felt so insecure on the route, I would grab the holds much harder than necessary to stay on the wall, and that would tire me out super fast. Also, I had difficulty seeing the next badly angled foothold when reaching from one side wall to the other corner side wall. Near the top, I was ready to give up and go down, but I managed to talk to myself and say I can do it, which I could, because I had enough strength left to finish it. 

Early on when I was climbing, the fear was always there, but my limiting factor was mainly that I had no muscle strength left to do the next moves. Now I am happy I am at a point of my "climbing career" where my endurance is better, so I am mainly fighting with my head psychology. The desire to cut climbing short now is completely about my brain being tired of being scared/feeling insecure, and wanting to be in a more secure feeling place (the ground). 

Right after this fear/sweat inducing climb, I went to a UIAA 6+/7- / French grade 6A/6A+ green route that, on Friday, I had felt quite insecure doing it, due to the reachiness of the route. However, after the extreme insecurity-inducing blue 6B route, this route now felt like a cake walk. The footholds were flat. My feet did not need to stand on some funny angle. The handholds also felt amazingly secure. The anxiety was way down and both P and I could rush through the route with feeling almost no insecurity. This was kind of an eye-opening experience. It's as if, to prepare for a public speaking event with 200 audience in attendance, the solution to stress reduction would be to do a public speaking event with 2000 fake audience members in advance. The heart rates, nervous shakes and all literally calm way down.

For my last climb on a overhang 5C though, I did feel my core tiring out near the end and had to take a hang break. So far I haven't figured out if I could tough that out too or if it's better to let my more naturally build endurance. I do feel though that my current shallow breathing patterns limit my endurance. If I could learn to improving my breathing, my endurance would improve too.  

July climbing progress

Although I don't feel I am getting much stronger, I feel more comfortable on hard routes now (7- /7s). My muscle endurance have improved. I can calm down and try a few different things, whereas previously if I encountered a route where I didn't know how to approach the next move, I would panic and pause for hanging right away.

Climbing is all about fighting discomfort/fear. The list of fears include:

- Discomfort about feeling out of balanced 

• I feel I'm not in control

- Discomfort about lack of body tension 

• Lots of core strength and stabilization muscles needed to hold oneself in mid air in odd positions 

- Discomfort of such strong exertion on the hands, shoulders, and back normally not experienced in every day life 

• Some days I am not even able to exert as much power as needed to do a move. Other days when I can, I feel powerful, amazed, ecstatic, gratified, and unsure how long I can maintain it. I still don't know where power is generated. Is it from the mind, or is it this Qi/energy flow, which theoretically originates from the abdomen and from the breaths

- Fear of heights

• I would try the next hard move if I were close to the ground, but not so far up the wall, or on an overhang route

- Fear for the next daunting next move 

• a dyno, Gaston, tiny crimp, unsure where to place one foot after the move, etc

- Fear of falling

• Uncertain if I can catch the next hand hold and keep myself on the wall
• Uncertain if I am strong enough to stick the next move
• Uncertain even if I succeed in the move, if I have the endurance to hang on for some seconds
• Uncertain if my foot would slip when I try to push myself up to grab the next hand hold

- Fear of letting go of a hand to clip the rope

• Again, need to learn to have body balance/body control/trust the feet won't slip/fingers are strong enough etc.

A lot of times I pre-rest in anticipation that my hand won't be able to hang on for long enough for me to clip a quick draw, but usually, when I just hang on and fight, I am able to hang on despite tired hands and slow clipping. It's all a matter of getting used to the stimulus and the environment.

A friend has a completely different approach to climbing. She talks a lot about goals, but she progresses extremely slowly. She is very lean (which is a good body type for climbing), but seems unable to build muscles. I suspects she needs to 1) climb harder, 3) work on horizontal traverses and body weight transfer footwork 3) eat more protein/fat, 4) lift some weights, 5) perhaps some body weight exercises like sit ups, leg lifts and push ups.  Not everyone is willing to put in that much efforts though. I personally get very antsy about not making any kind of progress, but maybe other people just want to have fun and not do supplemental work out just to improve in climbing.  

I hope there isn't another lockdown for us. I'm really hoping to become comfortable with lead climbing 7s by the end of 2020. Right now I can only top rope a few 7s, and I never feel fully comfortable on the routes. If there is indeed another lockdown, I will push myself do to more fingerboard hanging, elastic theraband exercises, and core strengthening exercises.

Climbing progress: I can still crimp!

Right now we can only go climb about once a week or less. 6+/7- routes were feeling difficult. However, as I was ready about to accept that I can only climb at this level for awhile, I found a 7 route with handholds and footholds set pretty close together (no big moves required), with very small handhold and footholds. I put on my Scarpa Vapor and gave it a shot. Turns out I still can stand on tiny footholds and hold on to relatively small handholds! The sad side: shoes hurt my feet quite a lot. So it's the shoe pain that limits my climbing right now.

I'm getting old: my body permanently feels somewhat sore now, even if I only go climbing once a week. I try to do some push ups at home. It's not my arms that are limiting, but my body, which has trouble holding the spine straight. The hypermobility is still there, even though I feel much less flexible than I used to when I practiced yoga regularly. My shoulders are not super happy when I do too many push ups. I feel like I need to do more high planks, since that seems to be quite challenging for me. I wonder if I will just permanently feel sore and discomfort in the body. 

Back to climbing after 2 months of quarantine

Every time I take a break from climbing, the body does not get the specific arm-pulling / lower back holding up legs / legs in lunge position / feet balancing on toes while I clip a rope to a quickdraw - type training. So when I get back to the wall, everything feels hard again. Pulling feels difficult; balancing on the wall feels unfamiliar; legs are shaky; the height / the wind raise the heart rate; calves can cramp up; the hips tweak in funny ways as I attempt to high step at a funny angle; a low level climb feels insecure; the hand skin start to hurt after a few short climbs. I don't yet get to climb at a level that gives me huge forearm burns, but my toes, the skin on my hands, my lower back all tell me "enough" after 4-5 beginner level routes.

During the quarantine, I have tried to do some hang boarding. They don't really help with the lower level climbs that don't require so much finger strengths. I have improved in my push ups and handstands against the walls, but my shoulders don't love this much heavy usage, so I have to take it easy.

I had the same approach as when I was young that I wanted to move up the grade difficulties. However, it's looking more and more like I will be climbing 6s/7s (6a's/6b's) 5.10 ranges forever due to this aging body. Maybe I need to change my approach to the sport, and focus on other things instead like breathing, smoothness of movements, and foot placement. I should stop worrying about grades and just focus on the joy of being on a climbing wall, enjoying the movement, being in balance, breathing smoothly, and conquer the fear of falling (secured with a rope of course).

My familiarity with uncertainties

There is now a full-blown Covid-19 pandemic in most parts of the world. People are frightened, in denial, following social distancing rules, defying social distancing recommendations, shouting that government should impose stricter measures in places with very few cases, claiming that the government should just let the virus infect the entire population to achieve herd immunity in places where hospitals are overwhelmed, the whole spectrum.

Many people have expressed great frustration about the uncertainties of it all: how long will this pandemic last? When can my kids return to school? When can we start traveling again? They mention that previously, they could plan their lives down to a T, and now everything is up in the air.

When I hear the descriptions of  how much control people previously had of their lives, I am actually totally envious of it. For me, surprises and uncertainties have been with me my entire life. My mother used to send me to summer camps with no notification until the day before the event. She told me about our immigration to a different continent where people spoke different languages and had different cultures a mere two months before we made the move, because we had to move out of our apartment that I lived for 3/4 of my life at the time, and stay at a temporary apartment for a month. She probably would have told me later if she could have. I have been carrying a perpetual anger my entire life. If I made plans with friends, she could easily tell me to cancel it and do something with her instead because her business was way more important than whatever it was I had planned. Even when I eventually did become independent, I still operated as if unexpected things would happen. In fact, I would put myself in very uncertain situations, like moving to foreign countries without knowing much about the details of a ton of things, such as taxes and insurances and local cultures etc. People would describe it as "brave", and I would feel confused about that description. I am not brave. I simply have never felt like I was in total control wherever I was located.

For the longest time, I have felt like a weak, inadequate, unprepared, disorganized person. I got good grades, but I don't know how to keep my lives and daily routines organized. Now I finally understand why. How do you keep yourself completely organized if you mom can send you off to some random places without warning at any time? What's the point of keeping everything in order if your mom can rearrange everything in your room because she doesn't like how it's currently arranged? The uncertainties, confusions, and feeling of inadequacy that normally competent people feel right now, are the exact feelings I have been feeling forever. Which means, perhaps, there has been a legitimate reason why I felt like such a helpless person. This pandemic throwing everything off is a very familiar feeling for me. I am used to living in constant uncertainties and fear.

I am trying to learn from people who still seem to be able to bring laughters and comfort to others during this difficult time. People who seem to be able to stay optimistic (not in an ignorant way), who can (non-sarcastically) joke about it all, and who can remain in good spirits while having a realistic understanding of the situation. This situation really is a good time to put our lives on hold, reevaluate what's really important in our lives, and what we formerly thought were important turn out to be not so important after all. This includes physical items, people in our lives, our values and notions, maybe also grudges, resentments, and other emotions.

Last climbing session before locking down of the country

How much things have changed within one week. Last week going climbing (or going out restaurants and bars) was not an issue at all. Today, thousands of people in the country have been tested positive for coronavirus (in Europe). The actual number could be 10 times higher, given the shortage of test kits. We are recommended to stay at home, avoid traveling, using public transportations, and going to crowded areas in general.

On the weekend, we decided not to go to climbing gym, and go outside to climb instead. This was the first time we went climbing outside on our own. We found some slab climbing, which means the wall tilts inwards (like an uphill), and handholds are not really needed for going up the wall. We were used to having our hands on juggy holds, so these walls, even though rated very low (UIAA 3-4, equivalent to 5.6-5.7), we didn't trust our feet so much, which meant my calves got really sore going up the wall. Also, I tried to hold on to the tiniest features on the wall, which didn't help with the actual climbing, but instead served to sooth my psyche.

So we got a good work out, breathed some fresh air (some asshole was chain smoking in the vicinity though), enjoyed the nature, and got a much-needed break from obsessively staring at the increasing coronavirus cases in this country and around the world.

The human brain is not used to dealing with exponential growth. It's amazing how quickly the number of cases in so many European country increase every day. It's also mind-boggling how some people continue to deny how serious this is, despite the amount of information out there exists for Wuhan and for Italy. I must admit, I am simultaneously addicted to checking the increases of coronavirus case numbers, reading about the pandemic news all over the world, and freaked out by the whole situation. The best thing I can do is to limit the amount of time I spend obsessively scanning through Twitter, Facebook, and news sites about Covid-19, and spend more time doing yoga and meditation instead. However, addictions are addictions... it's hard to deny the brain of dopamine hits.

The prospect of finding a job during a pandemic as the world's economy gradually slows down into a halt is not exactly rosy. I guess I should instead use this time to work on my coding skills instead. 

Finger strength in climbing

To push oneself up a climbing wall, one basically pushes the toe part of the shoes really hard into footholds (or the wall itself), and then grab the next handhold.  Grip it hard so one can move the body to the next position. During this transition, one should suck in the belly to activate the core so the body is tense when moving from one handhold to the next foothold or handhold. 

I had no clue this was how climbing worked in the first year. I had weak arms, no hand strength, weak back, weak core, and poor balance when I started. I would get "stuck" on super easy boulders. Moving a hand or a leg would result in me falling off the wall. The next handhold was often out of reach. It was often baffling to me what to do next half way through a boulder problem.

First my core got stronger, then the back and shoulders, and now I can feel my hands firming remaining on a hold even as I shift my body and foot around, snaking/reaching/swinging my way to the next foothold. As long as I have the grip, it is possible to try a move, fail, but still stay on the wall (due to that hand still hold me to the wall). Believe it or not, it's actually more tendon strength than muscle strength (I rarely get forearm pumps when I boulder). 

Recently, each time I climb, I reach that chi flow stage where I can seem to try one boulder problem after another and not feel sore. I usually bang my knees into the wall several times (because I am sloppy), and I just ignore it, and it doesn't affect my climbing. I have no soreness in the body (maybe slight shoulder soreness in the back of the armpit). I feel like I can go on climbing forever. The only signal forcing me to slow down and gradually boulder easier problems to cool down is my achy hand skin. The pain in the skins make it harder for me to grip the handholds precisely and strongly, so I know the session is coming to an end. 

Now that I have had a few hours rest, I feel the shakes in the shins/calves, in the back (the lats), in the abs, in the neck (as always). I will really feel it tomorrow. Last time I bouldered I felt sore for a whole week. Let's see how long this one lasts. I'm happy I am slowly building endurance though. This allows me to stay on the wall to work on tricky boulders. Before, I could only try a hard boulder once. If a move was too hard, then that problem would stay out of reach. Now my hands (and shoulders, and back, and core) are strong enough for me to try alternative moves. Very exciting!

Using climbing to keep my depression tendencies in check

As I have mentioned before, I have depression tendencies. The worst was when I completed my graduate school, I cried my hearts out. The whole graduate school experience was depressing. I felt like a total failure, since I had to drag on for 6+ years even though it was clear from the beginning the supervisor didn't like me, and the project I worked on became a drag 3 years into it. I could barely get out of bed. I felt like I had no motivation to apply for jobs or do anything else. Then I got a job offer after not so many applications. I was so excited! I felt like I came back to life.

Recently I felt like I got back into almost the same situation again. No matter how hard I worked on it, my boss didn't like my work. It was a confidence killer. I dreaded applying for jobs again. But this time, I understand what is happening to me. Perfectionist bosses make me feel like I am worthless. They make me feel like my absolute hardest efforts just aren't good enough for them. They make me feel like I am stupid, sloppy, useless, ignorant, foolish, helpless.

I managed to apply for more jobs this time than last time, and I made sure I went climbing regularly. Climbing is super informative of what you should pay attention to and what can be sloppier. For certain routes, if my foot slips, it feels super scary, even though I usually manage to hang on with my hands. But then I make a mental note that my footwork is bad. The activity gives a ton of feedback to me: route is too easy, just right, too hard, etc. Certain terrains terrify me regardless of difficulty (aretes come into mind); certain moves feel very off balancing; foot slips can cause huge scares; finally, big steps without handholds are so scary they often prompt me to cheat (grab holds that are not part of my route). These challenges are honest. They literally keep me on my toes. When I finally reach the top, the feeling of accomplishment is so amazing. But even the climbing process itself is so utterly rewarding. I can feel I am somehow not able to exert full force, or my forearms are pumping like crazy but the adrenaline (or just fear of falling) allows me to hold on for several seconds longer because I am only 2 moves away to a comfortable resting spot. Overcoming the soreness and the fear from every hard move brings me so much joy and gratefulness. It's truly an activity that provides constant feedback and rewards, something that has been sorely missing from my life for more than a decade.

Some people are cheerful 95% of the time. I have no idea if they actually feel that way, or if they just fake it because they believe they should act positive and never upset other people with Debbie Downer-type behaviours. I certainly feel depressed and pessimistic by default, and need to actively put in efforts to maintain cheerfulness. Even when I am in a good mood, it's so easy for a negative comment or just someone's look/micro-expression on their face to puncture my cheerfulness balloon. I am so glad I have found climbing to be a consistent mood picker-upper. Other things like sweets, alcohol, or socializing, have never been nearly as dependable mood enhancers. Even if they do, it often feels superficial, unlike climbing, which goes quite deep into the nerves, tendons, and bones. Yoga used to do it, but I blame my first yoga studio for being too amazing (gorgeous, empathetic and fantastically skilled teachers; studios was always perfectly heated, with essential oil-scented air, infrared sauna and complementary yummy herbal teas) that I have trouble replicating the same level of satisfaction. Oh well. Can't be too greedy. Not every city in the world is blessed with a plentitude of fantastic climbing gyms with pretty awesome facilities and well-set climbing routes. I really should be grateful that I am able to keep my depression in check. I sincerely hope everyone else with depression could find their own remedies. I don't really know if depression can be "cured". For me, it feels like it's always there in the background, even when I've had the perfect day, being showered with love and pampering. My mom gets very mad at me about this. She needs me to claim that I am happy and grateful with my excellent life so she can feel good about her accomplishment of raising  children from baby to adults. I struggle really badly with her lack-of-boundary issues. I am a separate human being no longer tied to her, not her show dog. But I recognize now that it is impossible for her to change her way of thinking (for the better) about me and about this world.

So I keep climbing. I wish I could climb more often but I get very sore and exhausted. I feel like I need many days of rest after a tough boulder session. I don't know if it would be better if I force myself to climb for shorter time (usually I climb until near total exhaustion). I feel like if I don't try hard boulders, I would never improve though. And I really enjoy getting stronger. 

Good climbing days and bad climbing days

To be honest, last week I was pretty discouraged by how strenuous the level 6 routes felt to me. I thought I would need another 1-2 months to slowly progress back to working on 7's again. Turns out I had a great weekend. I had enough energy to warm up on 2 easy routes, work on a new 7- route on an arête (outer corner), one 7-/7 with scary slopers and bad footholds, one 7 on artificial structures, and finish strongly on a reachy white 7- that I have tried before. I was over the moon.

I don't really know if it's just a high energy day vs. a low energy day. Seems like it's quite important to warm up on a very easy route to let the arms and legs flow a bit and to build confidence. When I get the blood (and chi?) flowing, then the harder routes feel more doable. Also this does wonders for my mood and confidence: finish with a familiar route that has some challenges but is still within my capability. I was on such an endorphins (or dopamine or adrenaline?) high after this last climb that I deluded myself in thinking I could still climb more and that I would have enough energy to go jogging the next day to improve my cardio.

Turns out that in the middle of night I was awake again with pulsing sore arms. My guess is that when I'm on an endorphin high, I can push my body harder than normal. In this case the last climb I pull of some handhold hand switches that were quite strenuous for my hands and arms. I'm glad I can sometimes push my body this way. My guess is that confident people experience this high more commonly. This allows them to speak confidently even when they are not very sure about the subject they are being asked to speak about. I never thought that through climbing I could experience what confidence feels like, and that it is not there on low energy days.

I am hoping to get to the point that I can work on 7s even on low energy days. But then on good days I hope to be able to send the 7 routes and work on 7+s.

Progression in climbing is not linear

In my last post I was making a list of what progress I hoped to make this year. It mostly involved going up in grade difficulty in climbing. But for the past few weeks, I haven't been making much progress in climbing harder routes. In fact, I find 6s (5c's) more strenuous now than before. How is that possible?!?!

Come to think of it, my strength in my arms and fingers have definitely improved compared to, say, 6 months ago. I notice my style of climbing has changed because of this. I would do moves that I couldn't do, back when I had less strength. These moves are more powerful and playful/fun. Also, I am now strong enough to have my arm in a bent position and/or grip a handhold quite strongly/securely when I clip the rope into quick draws. This makes me feel more secure about the climb overall, but it also uses up more energy. There was a period when every time I needed to clip in the rope, my heart rate would accelerate, because I didn't feel secure. Who knew that style of climbing uses up less energy than the secure way that I climb now? I would also try to clip the rope as soon as the quick draw was within the reach of one hand (ie. above my head), instead of the ideal clipping zone, where the quickdraw lies between the chest and waist area of the climber. Now, because of how secure I feel on the wall, I dare to climb to a comfortable position, sometimes until the quickdraw is at waist level, before I clip in. I would definitely call this progress. However, it is not reflected in the grades. I am currently climbing mostly 6s and 6+s, with the occasional 6+/7-.

I finally understand why my boyfriend, who can boulder way harder than I can, was getting more tired/pumped climbing the same routes as me. He definitely also uses more strength than necessary to do the easy routes.

I recently met a new friend, who is very lean, and is super enthusiastic about climbing. Her problem is that she lacks strength. She also had a minor surgery not long ago and could not climb for weeks while in the process of recovery. When I started climbing myself, I also had no strength to hang at all, which means I couldn't boulder very much. I was lucky that I have a boyfriend as a pretty reliable belay partner, who could go sport climbing with me at least twice a week. So I focused mainly on route climbing, which helped me slowly but reliably build arm and back strength, as well as endurance. She doesn't have a regular belay partner, so she has to do more bouldering. Since harder boulders are quite tricky to do, whereas rope climbing routes are less tricky, so one can perform climbing moves for longer, I personally believe that rope climbing is a better way to get used to climbing movements and to build strength for people who have trouble with strength building. But I recently realized not everybody thinks about climbing the same way I do, so I can't force people to do things my way. I have another friend who was also frustrated about her strength. She would go to the gym, not warm up, climb the hardest boulders/routes she could do, get tired in about 30 minutes, get frustrated, then try a bit more, and then be done (physically tired out) in under 1 hour. She had been climbing for longer than I had at the time, and she was really frustrated that she got stuck at a certain level. I tried to suggest some things, but I quickly learned that I shouldn't offer suggestions unless people ask for it, if I want to be able to keep the friendship.

Going forward, I guess I need to focus on relaxing more when doing easy routes. It is not necessary to use the death grips on routes where I could pretty much balance on my two feet. I also need to force myself to try harder routes, and do fall training. I really hope to increase my endurance, and also, I hope to have some spare time to boulder, so I could work on building power as well.

Back to climbing after 3 weeks vacation

Like last winter, I took 3 weeks vacation from climbing. However, this time, in November and December, I got quite sick for a week or so twice (cold and winter stomach flu), so my climbing pre-vacation was not so regular either. Last time I was completely shocked how much strength and endurance I lost. This time I was mentally expecting it.

First post-vacation bouldering warm up initially felt like my arms were in shock about having to hold the body weight. It took awhile for the "shock" to go away. I can't quite tell if the shock was in the arms or in the head. The fingers weren't quite sure if they could hold the weight, but obviously they could. I did 5 rope climbs -- 1 red 5+ (5a), 1 green 6+ (6a), 1 black chimney 7- (6a+) that I have done before, 1 hard white 6 (should be a 6+/6a), and 1 hard white/blue dot 6 (5c) to end, where I was too scared to try the last move because I couldn't stand stretched out on one leg to reach the last hold.  The lower level climbs felt quite fun because they were at my limits. They required me to reach out, stretch, put my body in uncomfortable positions, but did not require more strength than what my body is currently capable of. I am hoping by the end of February I would be able to climb multiple 7s (6bs) and to work on short 7+/6b+s again. 

I went bouldering the next day, and could boulder up to 6a's. I did not have my full power back, but was able to play with some attempts on the less strengths/more tricky-technical boulders. My limiting factor when I first start bouldering was hand skin. Then it became my arm strength/core strength. Now it's back to skin again. My hand skin and my achy toes prevent me from climbing further before my core/back/arms are exhausted. Hoping to toughen up my skins again so I could train my muscles further.

Glad to feel I have some techniques/endurance under my belt now. I'm hoping by June I could be working on 6b+s indoor and 6a/6a+s outdoor. By the end of the year I hope to be able to do multiple 6b+ routes and 6b boulders. I hope I can do 5 pull ups consecutively. I hope my bunions do not worsen.

Things to work on:

- Core
- Finger strength
- Pull ups
- Overhangs
- Footwork
- Flow
- Body tension
- Power
- Pistol squats
- Pinch power/endurance
- Lock offs
- Handstands
- Cardio