The other day my parents’ friends visited and I had to
socialize with them. One of the males offered me some sweets, which I politely
declined because I didn’t feel like having some sweets at the time. He said
with a smile, “I understand. Young women are always watching their weight.” I
tried to protest his claim but he just laughed it off as if he was 100%
confident he had read my mind.
Another woman asked me, “Oh my god you’ve lost so much weight since I last saw you! How
do you do it?” I've actually gained 95% of the weight back since I've returned from my India trip, but I told her about my daily Ashtanga practice (back home then and now I only practice a few days
a week) + eating only 2 meals a day (brunch and early dinner) + not snacking on junk food + a bit of food poisoning. A tan also provides a visually slimming effect. She nodded, stayed silent for a while; about 20 minutes later she abruptly
declared that yoga must be easier for me because my mother took me to dance
lessons when I was a small girl. I said I didn’t go to India to practice yoga
just for weight loss. My aunt, who was also present at the scene, missed the
negation word and asked loudly, “What? You went to India to practice yoga just
to lose weight?”
I have trouble staying calm whenever these older adults
mention about me and weight loss and wouldn’t give up on the subject. A rush of
anger uncontrollably arises and I always have to suppress it with all my might,
but they seem totally oblivious of it.
I’ve been reading up a lot on
psychology lately. It seems that the reason I get worked up so easily with my parents and their friends is that I keep getting
invalidated. If I try to express how I feel, they would tell me I shouldn't feel that way. When I honestly express my reasons for doing something, they can't accept my words for what they are, but instead they come up with explanations for me and conclude that they are correct. If we're debating public issues or religion or culture, then fine, everybody has their own opinions. However, we are talking about
my actions and
my feelings. Being invalidated and dismissed cause serious damage to my feelings and my relationships with these people.
Because they grew up with the cultural belief that feelings don't matter and their personal believes that old people cannot change their ways, I need to change my way of thinking/dealing with them before I go insane. So if I put myself in their shoes, I guess they are struggling to understand what's going on in their children's heads. The Taiwanese media portrays young women as 100% dedicated to nothing but looking good, maintaining youth, and losing weight. The commercials, the talk shows, dramas, and even the news seem to spread the same message. Not only has the TV, magazines and newspapers successfully brainwashed most of the young people, the older generation seem to have concluded that these superficial goals are the only things that young women care about these days. Weight loss and staying pale (skin whitening = looking good) are two ideas simple enough for them to grasp and understand. Somehow it got through to them that I don't care about whitening, but weight loss is something that they kind of shove down my throat (because my body frame is larger than the average Chinese woman) and they believe I deeply care about.
So I hate interacting with the older generation because I feel like they keep assuming I'm constantly trying to lose weight. However, they are merely trying to be friendly, and losing weight is the only topic they think I'm interested in that they feel they can discuss with me. This is sad but I feel like the elderly are completely out of touch with the modern world. They went through a time of war, so their whole lives were about obtaining security by getting married, having a family, finding a stable job and stay in it until retirement. They are very confused about young people today pursuing countless hobbies, picking jobs based on personal interests (and switching careers when they get bored of what they're doing), realizing personal dreams, and attempting to be in touch with personal feelings. The Internet, human rights, fair trade, global warming, energy issues, recycling, gay marriages, etc. did not exist during their times, and they seem to have trouble wrapping their heads around these topics. Weight loss is one issue that they can understand, so that's what they'll talk to me about because they think they can connect with me this way (and avoid talking about any of the topics I mentioned above).
So weight loss with family friends = weather small talks in western culture. I should stop getting so worked up when they bring this up with me next time.
