First primary series Ashtanga practice in months

Somewhat completed my first primary series practice since I moved to Europe. I think it was my sloppiest practice ever. Took two major breaks to get my laundry from downstairs shared laundry room. Long pauses in between many seated postures because I totally didn't want to do all the vinyasas. Felt like quitting many times throughout the practice. Breathing was all crappy. Got the orders of so many postures wrong. Somehow I still managed to get to the end, and it was still a helpful practice.

My flexibility was almost all there; hips could be more open but I'm not too concerned about that. It seems that I have lost the ability to connect with my core. I couldn't feel them engaged most of the time. I seemed to have some strength retained for certain asanas but not others. My left calf cramped up while trying to do bujapidasana so I couldn't suck the legs up closer to the body.

The practice kind of resembles my life right now. I can sort of get through the primary series, like I can somehow carry myself to lead a working adult life. I know most of the elements on how to live on my own and be an responsible employee, but I feel like parts of me refuse to grow up and still crave full guidance in life. I purposely sabotage some elements of my life practice; other aspects I just can't seem to motivate myself to do properly. I lack confidence and need lots of pampering and cheer leading. But I know for certain things I just have to suck it up and master it on my own through self-discipline and practice. It's just so hard, but I don't know if I make it hard myself or if it's really not that hard, but I just over-worry and over-analyze things.

So, that's a summary of my state of practice and state of life right now. Both could be much better if I could cut the crap in my cluttered brain.

p.s. The Manduka Pro Lite that i just purchased seems so much narrower than my old Manduka Pro and my Jade yoga mat. I think it maybe a psychological thing but I felt like I didn't have enough spaces to move about on my mat, especially for vinyasas.