Saturday, February 9, 2013

Negative thought monitoring

I think this winter coldness is really getting to me.

I love spending time alone. However, I'm noticing that if I spend too much time on my own, my thoughts go down a negative spiral. My brain picks out all the negative past memories and I starting mourning over my life. It's kind of scary actually that my brain DJ hand picks the unhappy memories rather than the happy ones. I reminisce about what could have been and if I had changed x,y and z in the past, my life would be so much better today (or, it could be completely different but not necessarily better). I went through my photos on my computer and was reminded by surprise of all the pleasant experiences that I have had the fortune to go through in the past. I really have lived quite a colourful life. I don't know why I only focus on the crappy moments in life and can't instead focus on the happy moments. I feel like I need to post all the happy photos on my walls to remind myself how fricking fortunate I am and stop dwelling on all the negativities because where I am today isn't exactly how I dreamed I would be 10 years ago.

I wonder if I would be in a better mood more often if I were living in somewhere warmer, or am I just horribly homesick and wish I were surrounded by familiar friends who tend to shower me with encouraging, supportive and flattering words. Today my roommate is actually more positive and more encouraging than I am. I'm thankful that she managed to cheer me up a little, but today's one of those days where I wonder what the heck I'm doing in a cold foreign country all by myself. The city is still as gorgeous as ever but I'm having trouble fully appreciating its beauty right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

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