Tuesday, January 6, 2015

New Year's Resolution for 2015

Happy New Year! I have actually wrote quite a few pieces but so many of them have been negative and a repeat of the same stuff I've be going on and on forever that I decided to spare my reader the misery of having to read them.

Going back to 2014's New Year resolutions, I am sad to say I only managed to made some progress on 2 things - took taichi lessons and submitted my work for publication  (currently working on revisions of the said work). Everything else: exercise regularly, blog regularly, get to work on time, manage myself at work better -- all failed miserably.

2014 was not exactly a productive year... going to work at 2 locations on the opposite side of town was the most unproductive arrangement ever. I felt like I did not belong to either labs and was isolated by coworkers on both sides. I experienced my first pseudo-break up. I was terribly home sick. I didn't know if I would still have a job at the end of the year or if I would be deported out of the country. The year ended with me going back to Taiwan and experiencing the exact same fiasco that I went through every year when I meet my mother.

Except this time I've finally learnt my lesson: my chaotic life forces me to keep growing/adapting, while my parents very settled life makes them hang on to their old ways of thinking and routines with every last bits of their energies. They will not respect my personal space or privacy ever, because this concept is non-existent in my household and the society condones it. So, if I still have work to do, be it job hunting or manuscript writing, I should not go home and be in the same physical space as my parents, as they will keep disturbing me to no end. I absolutely must finish all of my work before I choose to fly over to meet them.

Here are my resolutions for 2015 again - many overlaps with last year's resolutions.

1. Regular exercise regime. This time I really need to get it into my schedule somehow. Last year I managed to jog a little bit, but stopped after the weather got colder. Now that I work in a single location (thank god), I can access the gym regularly, and perhaps get a little yoga in, since taichi is not achieving what yoga used to do for me (calm me down + some muscle work out).

2. Wake up earlier. I was achieving this towards the end of the year, thanks to a colleague's tip: use a timer to turn on the lamp before my alarm clock. Works like a charm. I need the extra hour to get stuff done at work.

3. Publish!! I managed to get half way there. I need to push all the way ASAP for the rest of my work.

4. Relationship: bf is behaving, but we still cannot discuss future together. I give up. Just let it be. If future job opportunities arise in other countries, I will just pack my bags and go. My own personalities (tendency to be negative, too much fear in connecting with the opposite sex, stubbornness, tendency to criticize and point out the shortcomings of other people, etc.) brought me to where I am today. If he is not the type to commit so be it. Can't force someone to do what he doesn't want to do.

5. Work: figure out my next step before my contract runs out again. Last year was way too stressful. This means better time management, finish what I have started, and schedule time to look for that next job.

6. Reduce anxiety. I cannot accomplish any of the above if I do not achieve this point. Up to yesterday I have been extremely anxious, especially during the period I spent with family. I clench my teeth while sleeping. My muscles tense up so much my calves and feet cramp almost every night. I often want to snap at people. I breath too shallowly. I cannot sit still for long -- attempts to meditate fail after 30 seconds. Scheduling laundry time drives me bananas. I hope this year I will take everything easier.

Nothing is the end of the world, even if I lose my laundry time, my bf, or my job. I live in a cold country where no one really cares about me, my family only cares if I dress warm enough, have enough food and nothing else, my job is like a joke, and my bf cares about video games and sex more than the relationship itself. My life is utterly absurd, but realizing this seems to help me relax. 2015 will be the year where I work on my mental and physical health. Nothing else really matters any more.

No comments:

Post a Comment