Still don't have a good grasp of body awareness

There is this spot on my back on the right - not sure if it's the trapezius (trap) or the infraspinatus - that seemed to be bunched up after half a day of climbing. It was mostly aggravated when I moved my neck (so probably is the trap), but I felt like it didn't affect my climbing of easy routes so I kept going until my full body felt tired.

The next day when I woke up, my neck was sore (it always gets sore from climbing), and I felt like I probably shouldn't move my head too much because that knot really bugged me. I managed to get through the day being careful about how I moved. In the evening I decided to take an easy online yoga class. I could feel the presence of the knot in standing forward folds and downward facing dogs.

Towards the end of the class, when the teacher gets into a headstand, I thought I would give it a try, but for sure I wouldn't be able to make it with my sore neck and this knot in my trap. Turns out I could hold a sirsasana for like 20 seconds with a sore neck and the knot wasn't aggravated. 

Then the teacher went into urdhva dhanurasana (wheel pose) and I thought, this would for sure send my right trap into shooting pain. Nope. The pose felt strong. It didn't aggravate nor did it ease the tension in the knot.

This made me so confused. It's like an itch that can't be scratched. Neither climbing - arms pulling in different angles nor pushing - chaturanga, headstand, or wheel gets to this tension spot. Where the hell is this tension located? I tried some stretching... couldn't get to it.

I'm sure a good massage therapist would find it in no time and alleviate the blockage by pressing into it. Until then, it's a mystery tension that I'm hoping will go away on its own in a few days. I wish to understand my body better through yoga and climbing, but seems like these activities are not enough. Would be nice to take an in-depth anatomy/physiology class some day to get to know my body better.

Climbing as meditation

Recently I started doing indoor climbing regularly.  What can I say? The activity is  i-n-t-e-n-s-e. In the beginning I could only climb up ladder-like routes. Basically I needed at least 2 hands and one foot or at least 2 feet and one hand firmly on the wall before I dared to move the 4th limb. The fear of falling is strong. The brain feels like a car alarm is going off whenever a foot slips or when I'm letting the hands hold too much body weight. When I am too high up on the wall (doesn't matter that I'm secured by a rope and a belayer), then the fear of heights kicks in. So even when I have all both feet on nice footholds and both hands on nice handholds, I still have trouble breathing. Two conflicting thoughts occupy my brain:

1) I want to get to the top of the wall,

and

2) (Internal car alarm going off) This is too scary! My hands are not strong enough to hold me! I'm too heavy! I need to come down now!

So uh, why did I take up this sport? First of all, when I'm on the wall, these two thoughts are the only two thoughts on my mind. I don't worry about my struggles at work, what my colleagues think of me, what my mother said to me the other day, world politics, what to eat later... all the thoughts that normally occupy my brain. So my mind gets a break from the rumination.

Secondly, these two thoughts intrigue me. The second one is about survival instincts. But the first one is also some kind of instinct. I have been told I should pay attention to techniques: how to place my feet, where to shift my hips (center of gravity) in relationship to the feet, etc. Thinking about these will help me climb better. But the desire to get to the top of the wall is so strong that initially I ignored how I moved my hands, feet and hips. For the beginner level routes it is possible to get to the top with poor techniques, but for routes with higher difficulties one is forced to pay attention to the body positions in order to move up successfully.

Isn't this sport a huge metaphor for life? I have this raw instinct to move up the academic ladder that I ignored the techniques (social skills, writing skills, strategies, priorities). Now I am sort of stuck at half point. I ignore my breathing, and I have poor discipline of my thinking mind, so I am always stressed. I don't build good relationship with others, so I don't get the right help. I'm probably climbing up the wrong route.

What is the point of meditation? To discipline the mind. I think sitting or doing yoga are not enough to discipline my mind. Seems like I need to be in a position where I am (artificially) scared for my life in order to stop my mind from wandering all over the place. In the mean time, my muscles become strengthened as well. What a bonus!

I would like to comment on the fact that a good yoga sequence strengthens and stretches the body, while climbing works the body pretty unevenly. My neck hurts from looking up all the time belaying. My lower back (core muscles) get whooped after every session, and my shoulders (usually one more than the other) are super worked. So, I also try do a bit of gentle yoga to try to make my body feel better. Nothing as strong as a full Ashtanga primary series though.

I initially joined climbing because I liked to climb and hop on stuff (sofas, beds, window ledges etc.) when I was a kid. I wasn't planning to use climbing to examine how my mind works, but seems like climbing is all about the brain. Looking forward to sharing my new journey of brain exploration with you!

What Brexit and Trump taught me about a different thinking process

I guess I have been super naïve my whole life, but it took Donald Trump's win and Brexit for me to realize how differently some people view the world and how they make their decisions.

I recently came across a series of Youtube videos where Brexit supporters phone-in to a British national radio talk show to describe how they see Brexit will ultimately be good for the UK. The radio host, James O'Brien, asks them rather specific questions that they often cannot answer; for example: name a specific European Union law that they will be happy they won't need to comply with anymore after Brexit. Another example: name specific ways in which Brexit will benefit the caller's life.

The callers usually get stumped when asked about specifics, so they say, "That's not the point" and try to talk about another general aspect of Brexit that they feel would be good for UK, for example, they will save £350 million a week once they leave the EU. The host would refuse to let the caller move on to a different topic. He would ask the same question over and over again, until the caller blurts out something not nice, such as "I just don't like seeing people who look really different from me causing trouble on the streets!!" 

I listened to about 5-10 different conversations, where the host used the same strategy on each caller, always leaving the caller super frustrated. I'm surprised that they would keep phoning in to such a radio host who is known to hold the caller's feet to the fire. The point the host tries to illustrate is that people have very strong feelings about vague talking points they have been fed by propaganda ("we will take back control!"), but they don't have specific facts to back up their claims. For the callers, the facts are "not the point"; the point they want to make is that they feel weak and oppressed in the EU, and that they will "feel better" once Britain is out of the EU.

With Trump, I notice he would just paint a picture of how people kind of feel ("illegal immigrants are everywhere in the US, taking our jobs, committing crimes on US citizens"), and ignore the statistics that are presented to him. Climate change is inconvenient and costly to businesses, so he just says it's not really happening. People who like the same things as he does are totally happily with how he deals with facts (only believe the ones that support his worldview and ignore the rest).

I am the opposite of that. Normally when I hear something counter to my belief, I'm like "oh no! Maybe I am wrong", and start researching the topic like crazy (by that I just mean making several google searches).  Sometimes what I find strengthens my positions; other times I find I have to refine my opinions. Given that the internet contains false information and all sorts of opinions, this often means I have to go through copious amounts of information before I feel comfortable about making a more informed opinion. I understand this is a lot of work, but I used to think other people also feel this way even if they don't do extensive researches. Turns out some people just hold strong opinions and comfortably ignore evidence that don't support their opinions (or comfortable claiming a point when there is an absence of strong supporting evidence). People tend to trust those who appear the most confident, not the ones who are the most knowledgeable. No wonder I always appear weak to my mother, my family, colleagues, and bosses.

I finally understand why it is so difficult for me to interact with my mother! Whenever I present some facts that are counter to my mother's belief, she would just refuse to take what I present into account and change topic on me. Whatever the evidence presented are inconvenient to her, she would just say that's not important, or jump to something else. I used to be soooo frustrated. Now I know about 50% of the population in the world are just like her. I guess I am frustrated because all of my life she kept emphasizing the importance of school, but when I wish to share critical thinking skills with her she is not interested. I guess she just thinks good grades in school = smarter = more respect = more success in life. When it's clearly not the case she just tells me I have turned out much better than she expected already. Soooooo... she expected me to be a failure? 

It has been difficult for me to understand my relationship with my mother.  I guess from analyzing the radio conversations, some people have an opinion that they want to express; they have a story to support their claims, but the story is often not solid enough to be subjected to pokes and prods. Then they get angry that you weaken their house of cards, then the interaction turns sour. With my mother, what I care about are facts, but what my mother really wants is for me to go along with whatever it is she presents to me.

Knowing that about 50% of the world operates this way, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I know that appearing confident can get you very far in life. In Trump's case it made him the president of a very powerful country. The Brexit leave campaign sounded stronger than the Remain campaign, so it managed to sway more people. As someone who likes to let data and statistics tell the story, I really have to rethink how I should operate in this world.