Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Climbing as meditation

Recently I started doing indoor climbing regularly.  What can I say? The activity is  i-n-t-e-n-s-e. In the beginning I could only climb up ladder-like routes. Basically I needed at least 2 hands and one foot or at least 2 feet and one hand firmly on the wall before I dared to move the 4th limb. The fear of falling is strong. The brain feels like a car alarm is going off whenever a foot slips or when I'm letting the hands hold too much body weight. When I am too high up on the wall (doesn't matter that I'm secured by a rope and a belayer), then the fear of heights kicks in. So even when I have all both feet on nice footholds and both hands on nice handholds, I still have trouble breathing. Two conflicting thoughts occupy my brain:

1) I want to get to the top of the wall,

and

2) (Internal car alarm going off) This is too scary! My hands are not strong enough to hold me! I'm too heavy! I need to come down now!

So uh, why did I take up this sport? First of all, when I'm on the wall, these two thoughts are the only two thoughts on my mind. I don't worry about my struggles at work, what my colleagues think of me, what my mother said to me the other day, world politics, what to eat later... all the thoughts that normally occupy my brain. So my mind gets a break from the rumination.

Secondly, these two thoughts intrigue me. The second one is about survival instincts. But the first one is also some kind of instinct. I have been told I should pay attention to techniques: how to place my feet, where to shift my hips (center of gravity) in relationship to the feet, etc. Thinking about these will help me climb better. But the desire to get to the top of the wall is so strong that initially I ignored how I moved my hands, feet and hips. For the beginner level routes it is possible to get to the top with poor techniques, but for routes with higher difficulties one is forced to pay attention to the body positions in order to move up successfully.

Isn't this sport a huge metaphor for life? I have this raw instinct to move up the academic ladder that I ignored the techniques (social skills, writing skills, strategies, priorities). Now I am sort of stuck at half point. I ignore my breathing, and I have poor discipline of my thinking mind, so I am always stressed. I don't build good relationship with others, so I don't get the right help. I'm probably climbing up the wrong route.

What is the point of meditation? To discipline the mind. I think sitting or doing yoga are not enough to discipline my mind. Seems like I need to be in a position where I am (artificially) scared for my life in order to stop my mind from wandering all over the place. In the mean time, my muscles become strengthened as well. What a bonus!

I would like to comment on the fact that a good yoga sequence strengthens and stretches the body, while climbing works the body pretty unevenly. My neck hurts from looking up all the time belaying. My lower back (core muscles) get whooped after every session, and my shoulders (usually one more than the other) are super worked. So, I also try do a bit of gentle yoga to try to make my body feel better. Nothing as strong as a full Ashtanga primary series though.

I initially joined climbing because I liked to climb and hop on stuff (sofas, beds, window ledges etc.) when I was a kid. I wasn't planning to use climbing to examine how my mind works, but seems like climbing is all about the brain. Looking forward to sharing my new journey of brain exploration with you!


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