Monday, August 26, 2019

What beginner meditation is like

I used to only do guided meditations. I would find my mind wandering whenever the speak stops speaking for a period of time. Lately, I have been doing 10-15 minute meditations with an app that makes a dinging bell sound every 5 minutes. Boy, seems like it takes forever for 5 minutes to arrive. I find myself pondering "Is it 5 minutes yet?" when only 3 minutes have passed.

So at this stage, I definitely don't achieve the "meditative state" (ie. a mind free of thoughts) all that frequently. I'm basically sitting for 15 minutes, letting my mind wander for 90% of the time, and being able to stop it a few times for maybe 10 seconds or so each time.

What's important to note is that:

1. It is not super easy to catch myself lost in thoughts, but when I do, I do have the capability to temporarily stop the string thoughts, as least for a few seconds, until my mind wanders again and I'm not aware it is happening.

2. Sometimes the thoughts are quite persistent, so I have to listen to the train of thoughts to see what issues are nagging at me.

3. Instead of some one line  verbal mantra, I try to pay attention to different body parts internally to see how they feel. I'm not sure if this is the right way to meditate, but I feel like the body scan is useful for me as I often hold unnoticed tensions in the neck or in the back. When there are local discomforts, sometimes if I pay attention to it and "breath into it", I can get the discomfort to ease away (probably some sort of tension or blockage).

4. The "meditation", or more accurately, a self-examination session, allows me to check in with my breathing as well. It seems to be always too shallow. I understand that sitting still does not require deep breathing, but I do notice that the rhythm of my breathing is not smooth most of the time.

5. With a million thoughts going through my mind, if I pay attention to my thoughts, the unimportant ones disappear. The ones that bother me would persist, urging me to write them down. When I start writing, they would morph into something different. Sometimes they disappear again, and sometimes something completely different comes out.

I really hope I can extend this into a daily 30 minutes session. I need to be better with time in order to do this.

No comments:

Post a Comment