There is now a full-blown Covid-19 pandemic in most parts of the world. People are frightened, in denial, following social distancing rules, defying social distancing recommendations, shouting that government should impose stricter measures in places with very few cases, claiming that the government should just let the virus infect the entire population to achieve herd immunity in places where hospitals are overwhelmed, the whole spectrum.
Many people have expressed great frustration about the uncertainties of it all: how long will this pandemic last? When can my kids return to school? When can we start traveling again? They mention that previously, they could plan their lives down to a T, and now everything is up in the air.
When I hear the descriptions of how much control people previously had of their lives, I am actually totally envious of it. For me, surprises and uncertainties have been with me my entire life. My mother used to send me to summer camps with no notification until the day before the event. She told me about our immigration to a different continent where people spoke different languages and had different cultures a mere two months before we made the move, because we had to move out of our apartment that I lived for 3/4 of my life at the time, and stay at a temporary apartment for a month. She probably would have told me later if she could have. I have been carrying a perpetual anger my entire life. If I made plans with friends, she could easily tell me to cancel it and do something with her instead because her business was way more important than whatever it was I had planned. Even when I eventually did become independent, I still operated as if unexpected things would happen. In fact, I would put myself in very uncertain situations, like moving to foreign countries without knowing much about the details of a ton of things, such as taxes and insurances and local cultures etc. People would describe it as "brave", and I would feel confused about that description. I am not brave. I simply have never felt like I was in total control wherever I was located.
For the longest time, I have felt like a weak, inadequate, unprepared, disorganized person. I got good grades, but I don't know how to keep my lives and daily routines organized. Now I finally understand why. How do you keep yourself completely organized if you mom can send you off to some random places without warning at any time? What's the point of keeping everything in order if your mom can rearrange everything in your room because she doesn't like how it's currently arranged? The uncertainties, confusions, and feeling of inadequacy that normally competent people feel right now, are the exact feelings I have been feeling forever. Which means, perhaps, there has been a legitimate reason why I felt like such a helpless person. This pandemic throwing everything off is a very familiar feeling for me. I am used to living in constant uncertainties and fear.
I am trying to learn from people who still seem to be able to bring laughters and comfort to others during this difficult time. People who seem to be able to stay optimistic (not in an ignorant way), who can (non-sarcastically) joke about it all, and who can remain in good spirits while having a realistic understanding of the situation. This situation really is a good time to put our lives on hold, reevaluate what's really important in our lives, and what we formerly thought were important turn out to be not so important after all. This includes physical items, people in our lives, our values and notions, maybe also grudges, resentments, and other emotions.
Many people have expressed great frustration about the uncertainties of it all: how long will this pandemic last? When can my kids return to school? When can we start traveling again? They mention that previously, they could plan their lives down to a T, and now everything is up in the air.
When I hear the descriptions of how much control people previously had of their lives, I am actually totally envious of it. For me, surprises and uncertainties have been with me my entire life. My mother used to send me to summer camps with no notification until the day before the event. She told me about our immigration to a different continent where people spoke different languages and had different cultures a mere two months before we made the move, because we had to move out of our apartment that I lived for 3/4 of my life at the time, and stay at a temporary apartment for a month. She probably would have told me later if she could have. I have been carrying a perpetual anger my entire life. If I made plans with friends, she could easily tell me to cancel it and do something with her instead because her business was way more important than whatever it was I had planned. Even when I eventually did become independent, I still operated as if unexpected things would happen. In fact, I would put myself in very uncertain situations, like moving to foreign countries without knowing much about the details of a ton of things, such as taxes and insurances and local cultures etc. People would describe it as "brave", and I would feel confused about that description. I am not brave. I simply have never felt like I was in total control wherever I was located.
For the longest time, I have felt like a weak, inadequate, unprepared, disorganized person. I got good grades, but I don't know how to keep my lives and daily routines organized. Now I finally understand why. How do you keep yourself completely organized if you mom can send you off to some random places without warning at any time? What's the point of keeping everything in order if your mom can rearrange everything in your room because she doesn't like how it's currently arranged? The uncertainties, confusions, and feeling of inadequacy that normally competent people feel right now, are the exact feelings I have been feeling forever. Which means, perhaps, there has been a legitimate reason why I felt like such a helpless person. This pandemic throwing everything off is a very familiar feeling for me. I am used to living in constant uncertainties and fear.
I am trying to learn from people who still seem to be able to bring laughters and comfort to others during this difficult time. People who seem to be able to stay optimistic (not in an ignorant way), who can (non-sarcastically) joke about it all, and who can remain in good spirits while having a realistic understanding of the situation. This situation really is a good time to put our lives on hold, reevaluate what's really important in our lives, and what we formerly thought were important turn out to be not so important after all. This includes physical items, people in our lives, our values and notions, maybe also grudges, resentments, and other emotions.
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