Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Self care

I've been meaning to blog many times but always gave up half way through my writing. It depended on my mood at the time. Sometimes I wanted to write to complain, other times to report a great day, a feeling of gratefulness, or frustrations. Alas, technology has erased my writings a few times and other times sleepiness just took over.

I had the fortune of going on two vacations over the last month. One was a fancy schmancy cruise trip around the Mediterranean, and another was to be a laid-back beach bum at one of the most pristine sea water I've ever experienced. How lucky is that! I never dreamed of doing this type of trips when I signed up to move to Europe.

Now that I am back to work, I am again back in a slump, not re-charged and dreading what I do. I am back to hanging out with roommate who predictably complains about everything under the sun, from the weather to her boss, her parents, her country, her love life, ie. every aspect of life. At first I complain about her to everyone else, but now I realize, I am just like her. Every day, there are good moments and bad moments, and I seem to pay more attention to the bad ones. I drain my own energy.

I don't want my energy to be so drastically affected by every small mood change (candy - yay! unmotivated at work - boooooo). I think to drown out these effects I've been playing really boring iPhone games like solitare, which gives me micro-control of my state -- every time I win a game I get a small dopamine boost, but overall the petty games are pretty boring and huge time wasters. I really need to do something drastic to take major control of my state, so I've decided to focus my attention on hardcore self-care rather than on roommate complaints. Complaining seems to drive people away from me and does not make me feel better either.

I don't have super concrete plans yet but I think deciding to focus my attention on self-care might bring some changes to my life and state of mind. It's time to take my life back in control rather than being feeling like a tumble weed with roller-coaster like mood swings. Stay tuned for my results.

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